tie-die {0}

Distorted words are like Picasso paintings they say nothing and yet they tell you everything about the state of mind of the person who is speaking them.  Ferris wheels and mis-spelled words, broken glass, shattered dreams, looking for ice cream.  A bottle on it’s side, who gets kissed next?  Anyone for a game of chess? Cheesecrackers telling time. The clock will never turn to nine.  Looking for a world your own there is no right or wrong. Or Mr. Clean to wipe it up.  There are times to weep and smelly feet.  Unfelt hugs and tattered rugs.  Mistakes at doing laundry and all you have left is tie-die.

© 2010

A Wish {0}

Make one now…

You {0}

At the center of your being 
you have the answer;
you know who you are 
and you know what you want


Buller? Anyone? {0}


“Life moves pretty fast.  If you don’t stop to look around once in a while you could miss it.”
― Matthew Broderick as Ferris Buller, “Ferris Buller’s Day Off”

God Winks {0}

My favorite books are the ones that offer insight instead of answers. Challenges instead of cop outs.  Books that make me think, question and look within.  For the most part I am like Tom Cruise in Cocktail, I always have a self-help book on me.  Only now it’s on my kindle for iphone.

I don’t just read the book either.  I call it doing the book.  If there are exercises, I am doing them. I keep a pen and paper handy and I get down to it. I answer honestly and I open myself up to the messages and possibilities.  When you trust in the process it’s like leaning over a cliff and knowing that you won’t fall. Really look around and heed the advice hidden in the most obscure of places.  These answers are gifts.  Big beautiful gifts wrapped in coincidences that come in all shapes and sizes.

I’ve been doing this book called When God Winks by, Squire Rushnell. It’s a loaner from a friend and I am madly in love with this book. The philosophy behind God Winks is that every time a coincidence happens in your life, it is God winking at you.  Translation.  You are on your right path and everything around you is supporting you on your journey.  

You see I LOVE coincidences.  I even keep a coincidence journal from time to time because it helps me appreciate my life and all the good I receive.  

It’s been slow for me in the freelance world.  I have had three jobs go away and as you can imagine my first instinct was to panic.  To freak out and stress over where my next job was was coming from.  But then I realized something and the evidence started to unfold around me in a series of  God Winks.  

My sister and I had been talking about a business adventure together for just over a month. While doing my book one night. I had an epiphany.  I went to sleep that night with a smile on my face and I woke with an even bigger one.  I got on the computer and started doing research.  To move the story ahead… I had my moments of doubt but everywhere I looked for a sign telling me that I was making the right choices the signs were there to guide me.  Here’s a very interesting example.  One of many but the one I am choosing to share.  It was a real eye opener for me.  

I was so annoyed Saturday afternoon. My information wasn’t coming fast enough and I was at my wits end with everything I had to do.  I was stressed out, I was tired and I was questioning whether I could even do this endeavor at all. 

Gahl Sasson had a scheduled seminar, The Alchemy of Relationships based on his new book, The Cosmic Navigator and I really wanted to go. I had been looking forward to it for 3 week.  I invited a friend and we decided to car pool.  On the drive over, I was expressing my doubts and letting them get the best of me.  My friend was be very supportive and telling me “You can do it, I know you can”.  I wondered.

As I exhaled a sigh I turned my head to look out the window at the same exact time as a man holding a white bag with black lettering held it up over his face.  I remember thinking, that’s odd, what is he doing? Is he hiding?” When I realized that simultaneously with the thought I was reading the black lettering, which left me saying in my head, “I can do it”.

I was instantly rejuvenated!  I look at my friend with the biggest smile and I said, Oh My God.. God just winked at me!

I heeded the advice and now I am seriously and diligently pursuing this endeavor.  Because I am on my right path, I am experiencing more and more gifts of coincidences.  The first 3 went unnoticed until now.  And they were the biggest ones.  If any of those 3 jobs would have booked, I wouldn’t be where I am in this moment.

I hope God winks at you today too.

© 2010

thanks {1}


© 2010

Let’s Be {0}

On Februrary 14th we will come into the Chinese New Year.  The Year of the Tiger. And this New Year is said to be a year of bravery.

Tigers are highly adaptable, territorial and are mostly solitary.  But of the nine subspecies of tigers, three are extinct and the other six are endangered.

In honor of the Tiger I propose that we all live up to the year and face our challenges courageously.  Let’s be brave in our endeavors.  Unwavering in our intentions and honest in our exchanges.  
Let’s remember to be gracious but independent.  Let’s have tolerance and let us practice patience.  Let’s be risk takers and embrace the excitement life has to offer.  Let’s be attractive to our beholders and conscious in our decisions.  
Everything we do has a direct effect on someone, something, somewhere.  Let’s stand up for what we believe in.  Know that it does take one person doing one thing to make a difference.  To create a movement.  To alter the path of global consciousness.  
Let’s not act hastily and remember to be sympathetic to others.  Let us live not vicariously through the lives of our great leaders but take action in supporting their intentions.  Let us be the best versions of ourselves.  Let us express our individuality but come together as a group. 
Let’s be fearless, heroic, bold, daring, adventurous, loving, kind, joyous, happy, sympathetic, empathetic, powerful, grateful, humble, successful, thankful, appreciative, and brave.

© 2010

Choices {0}

Once upon a time I knew first hand what it was like to let the world get the best of me.  Let the world get the best of me?  Doesn’t that sound so BIG?  No wonder I felt small and insignificant.  In the schematic my mind had drawn for me, how could I not feel small? 

So there were days when I made the world shrink down to my size.  My comfort zone was a small space in the center of my bed under two layers of blankets.  I would lay there as if in a body size igloo.  I would lay there for days.  Sometimes four days straight. Barely eating and barely breathing with only my tears to keep me company. 
So many lost days, missed opportunities and sunsets unseen. 
One day not long after my mother died I hit my proverbial rock bottom.  I fell out of bed onto the floor and I just lay there.  I had a vision of laying in my own proverbial gutter.  I could feel the dirty musty water against my face and I could smell every bad thing that ever happened to me wafting out of that water.  I was stuck. I was paralyzed as the gutter held me like ratchet straps and all I could do was lay there. 
I had nothing left.  It was over.  I wasn’t even sure if I was breathing.  So I gave in.  In that moment of terrorized paralysis I gave myself over to whatever higher power would take me.  In a silent whisper I asked for help.  For the first time in my life I truly and unconditionally prayed for my own salvation.
The next thing I knew a hand came out of nowhere reaching for me, helping me out of the proverbial gutter and lifting me back up into consciousness. I could feel the presence of something greater than me.  Someone lifted me off the floor that day but I was sitting by myself with tear stains on my face staring at the floor beneath my feet as I was now sitting on my bed.
I have never forgotten that day.  And I have never again sought the comfort of my blanket igloo.  It was time to change.  Time to step into my own life and view my world as it was meant to be viewed or measured.  To make it a life worth living.
One of the hardest things in the world is to admit when your life isn’t working.  It is said that we do the same things again and again even if it hurts us or depletes us because it is all we know.  So the payoff (even the painful ones) are still payoffs. I don’t know about you but this sounds to me like the definition of insanity.  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.  Well, it’s time for a different outcome.
The outcomes of our lives are born from our choices.  The choices that we make about how we want things to go.  We choose to give up or to persevere.  We choose to be afraid of heights and we choose to love deep sea diving.  We choose which path we will walk and we choose which songs we will dance too.  We choose who to love and sometimes we choose to let love choose for us. 
We are constantly making choices whether we realize it or not.  Consciously and subconsciously in every moment we are making a choice about something.  About everything. 
The key is to take control of your choices thus taking control of your life.  And how do we do this?  Just think! Think before we speak. Think before we react. Think before we make our choices. 
I find myself making a lot of choices.  The choice to communicate better, to take care of my body, and to be optimistic in my intentions.  The choice to live my life to my true potential, to help people see that they are not alone in their struggles, and to live a life without drama.  My choices are filled with love.  But, I have also made the choice to respect my sadness and not let it get the best of me.  I have made the choice to listen more than I speak and my choice to learn life’s lessons keeps me very busy indeed.  My choice to share with others and to be humble but determined is invigorating.  My choice to make a difference is challenging but I embrace it.  My choice to care leaves me vulnerable but I am okay with that now.  My choice to ask for help if I need it is a scary prospect but I shall fear the fear and do it anyway.  My outcome is my definitive commitment to know that I always have a choice.

What choices are you making?  How are they effecting your life?  The lives of the people around you?  Your relationships?  Your careers?  Your happiness?  

© 2010

Here {0}

A power connection and we are the sky… not the clouds going by.  What will you ask of your mirror that you say that I am?  Will you let your fears cloud it like the steam from a shower or will you embrace it?  Feel the fear and do it anyway.  The past has a hold on you on you but you didn’t know.  It’s where you’ve been living and couldn’t let go.  How could you embrace change if you don’t change the fears that stop you?  If you leap the net will appear.  When life tries to get the best of you remember me.  The way I made you laugh when you thought you didn’t want to.  How were we to know that I could push your buttons?  Did our intuition fail us?  Or did we call out for each other?  Was there a lesson we were supposed to learn but we missed class that day?  When someone leaves us it is the Universe giving us a gift.  When we let them go with love and forgiveness that is our way of saying Thank You.  When we least expect it and someone joins us… our acceptance is allowing the Universe to say You Are Very Welcome.   Basking in memories I write, I smile, I think of all that has passed.  My friends, my lovers, the male versions of myself.  I choose a journey into the future.  In peace, in light and in laughter.  Take the leap now.  Join me on the new vibrational level where if you listen you can hear me… It is there that we will continue our beautiful conversations… it is here that we will always remain friends.

© 2010

Farewell {0}

The rain has rendered me thoughtful.  Contemplative about the past.  Pensive in my memories. The happy ones.  The ones filled with love and joy and family trips. The moments when my mother laughed and my sister and I dressed in our matching outfits. The butterfly patches she made and her ever changing spiritual journey.  The nights I watched her dance ballet in the dark in our living room and she didn’t know I was there.  The sound of her voice singing along to Steely Dan or when she danced around the kitchen to Neil Diamond.  She was young.  She was beautiful.  But she was lost, and sad, and lonely and in the end she was gone.  I wrote this for her.  Maybe, where ever she is she can hear me.  I miss her.

I spent time with you last eve while my eyes wept and I took your hand in sleep. I basked in you and all that the past allowed us only to have you wake briefly gasping for breath. In that moment my heart knew you would not stay with me. Confusion rendered me to my knees for I could no longer hold court for both of us. I had to let you go. I knew that you must find what you are searching for in your life after death.  That which does not include me. My heart must rest for I cannot be a part of ever knowing you this way. And now. You have long since left thee.  Farewell.

© 2010

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