The rain has rendered me thoughtful.  Contemplative about the past.  Pensive in my memories. The happy ones.  The ones filled with love and joy and family trips. The moments when my mother laughed and my sister and I dressed in our matching outfits. The butterfly patches she made and her ever changing spiritual journey.  The nights I watched her dance ballet in the dark in our living room and she didn’t know I was there.  The sound of her voice singing along to Steely Dan or when she danced around the kitchen to Neil Diamond.  She was young.  She was beautiful.  But she was lost, and sad, and lonely and in the end she was gone.  I wrote this for her.  Maybe, where ever she is she can hear me.  I miss her.

I spent time with you last eve while my eyes wept and I took your hand in sleep. I basked in you and all that the past allowed us only to have you wake briefly gasping for breath. In that moment my heart knew you would not stay with me. Confusion rendered me to my knees for I could no longer hold court for both of us. I had to let you go. I knew that you must find what you are searching for in your life after death.  That which does not include me. My heart must rest for I cannot be a part of ever knowing you this way. And now. You have long since left thee.  Farewell.

© 2010