The Paradox of Wonder{0}

Always the constant wonderer it was inevitable that I get to the crux of it all. Well, to the crux of where I am today.  We all know this could change when the wind changes direction.  But for now, I find myself accepting me for everything I have ever done and for all the things I have tried, tested, passed and failed at and I have had yet another glorious epiphany.

I find myself embarking on yet another journey.  But this time I have not been questioning it.  I am taking the moments as they come and I find myself doing what is needed to be done.  The happiness finds me waking to the possibilities that my new endeavor is unfolding before my very eyes.  Proof that the life we live is for a reason.  All the many steps we have ever taken were necessary to get to where we are today.

Dharma?  Quite possibly.  Because if we are doing what we are supposed to be doing then the path of least resistance shall lay itself out before us like the yellow brick road.  It’s only if we choose to trust and stay the course that the proof of our destiny will unfold.

Basking in the happiness of my current journey I took a good long look at my own history.  My wondering why I was always reinventing myself and how I could wear so many hats has been revealed.  I have seen the consequences of each and every door I have ever walked through and the occasional window I jumped out of.

Memory lane shows me the significance of my choices and I am left being nothing but grateful for the opportunities, adversities and the accomplishments.

If it wasn’t for working in advertising I wouldn’t know how to market my new idea. If it wasn’t for the awareness of what being in transference can do to our current relationships, I wouldn’t have the relationship I have now with my sister. If it wasn’t for working in production I wouldn’t know how to keep my project on budget. If it wasn’t for me being moved around a lot, I wouldn’t be as adept at conforming to any circumstance.  If it wasn’t for me being on my own, I wouldn’t be this independent. If it wasn’t for me being hurt, I wouldn’t be this humble.  If it wasn’t for me working in restaurants, I wouldn’t be this social.  If it wasn’t for me working in sales, I wouldn’t know that for every no we are closer to that yes.  If it wasn’t for me always wondering, I wouldn’t know that the world will give you what you ask of it.

This “if it wasn’t for” list goes on and on and gives me so much to be thankful for.  The courage it takes to make a list like this can help you see into a side of you that you didn’t know existed.   You may find you are in your wrong job or with the wrong person or you may find that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.  Either way is great news and can help you continue down your path or encourage you to try a different route at the next fork in your road.

In all of this I am accepting myself as I am and with that has come some great strides. I know I have the habit of constantly contradicting myself.  It can be exhausting to the people around me and even to me sometimes.  But I keep the faith that I will work it out and figure out the message to my scattered behavior.  And I realized something very spectacular in all of this…

On my current journey, I am focussed and centered and know what I want and where I am going.  I don’t feel inconsistent or scattered.  My answers are precise and my direction is forward.

My investigations into my own behaviors have proved the perfect paradox of wonder.

Have you been doing any wondering?