Wow!  How does a seed become a beautiful tree? How does a bird know that if they keep trying they will eventually fly?  How in the world did Bill Gates keep at it after thousands of failures?  I am trying to keep it in perspective.  I did some research and at least I am not alone.  I  may actually be on to something here. The epitome of an Entrepeneaur.  Failure, success, failure, failure, success, failure, success?  And Bill Gates isn’t the only one. There is some really good company in the pursuit of Entrepreneurism.  Walt Disney, Jerry Kaplan, Harry Truman, and even Abraham Lincoln.  They failed before they succeeded.  They didn’t give up.

Well if it’s true that for every no we are closer to that yes then I should be expecting a YES to bite me in the ass any minute now!

I’m ready for it!  I’ve stayed focused.  I’ve worked really hard.  I have glued myself to my determination and then I practiced letting go of it.  I have spent a long time trying to reinvent myself and trying to raise myself  above my own odds.  

Well today I got more bad news.  One of my pursuits rejected my idea.  But of course, as is my nature, I am not defeated.  I’m going to turn this into an experiment in hopes that it keeps me encouraged and holding stead fast to my mission.  I will also try my hardest to remember to approach everything with a sense of detachment and to remember to relinquish my need for control. 

I have been embarking on many expeditions and I have hit the proverbial brick wall one too many times.  Is there ever a light at the end of the tunnel that is not an actual train?  Does persistence really buy you success?  When? How? Why not now?

Okay so not right this second.  I get it.  Patience. I am going to document all this madness and face the no’s head on.  With you by my side I feel I can face anything that gets thrown at me.  Time will tell.  And I promise to acknowledge the accomplishments too.

Day 1:  The Recap.  My recent “No” vs. “Yes” list.  This is where I am now.  Let’s see where this all takes me.

1. NO: Spent 16 hours a day for almost a year trying to launch a company with my sister but it fell apart and I lost my investment and my relationship with my sister (we were estranged for most of our lives anyway).

2.  YES: Finally finished my book (yay) five years in the making.  Had an editor give me notes and I am now almost done with my 2nd draft.

3.  YES: Completed my book proposal.

4.  YES: Completed my first draft of my literary query letter.

5.  YES: Wrote a documentary web series.

6.  NO: Submitted the documentary idea to Kickstarter for funding but was rejected. Didn’t even get to send the teaser.

7.  YES: Shot a fund raising teaser for the documentary and will revise the edit this weekend.

To be honest when you take stock in the progress it doesn’t seem as bad.  But when you’re in it, it feels arduous and cumbersome. When the no’s are flying around like frisbees it’s hard to remember the Yes you might have gotten that morning or to believe that there could be another yes up ahead around the next corner.

The rest of this week I will be working on a job that has Annie Leibovitz (YAY!) as one of three photographers so I may not be able to check in but I will definitely share the updates as they transpire.

In the meantime I am going to get creative in my approaches and I am not going to give up.  The only way to find out is to keep moving forward.  I am going to keep asking.  And I am going to keep walking.

You coming?