Just Enough Rainbows{0}

      On shoot day 1 of 2 and it’s time for lunch.  I’ve been missing writing on a daily basis but duty calls.  There are just not enough hours in the day to fit it all in.

      My journey does have me skipping.  My no vs. yes experiment is still underway and persistence really does breed success.  I hope you are still rigorously but patiently pursuing your no vs. yes experiment too!

      Sitting here on location amidst the dust and the chaos I have had another one of my moments.  A really great moment while checking in with myself.  In the brief silence I allotted myself I found a smile.  A deep rooted, to the core, feeling pretty good, like what I see, kind of smile.

      I realized I haven’t experienced any sorrow and there haven’t been any tears.  I realize that some people really are crazy makers and bullies and manipulative.  I also realize that I can stand up for myself, walk away when I feel like it and I don’t have to grieve that which is lost.   And the simple truth is, people will always show their true colors.  So wouldn’t you want your true colors to be that of a rainbow?

      All this time spent with patience is really agreeing with me.  I’m learning so much about myself and how the world moves around me and how other people sometimes get lost in the wind.  How sometimes I get lost in the moment and how we all react instead of taking a breath and letting the moment unfold organically.  Sometimes things are not what they seem.

      I found another key that promises to open many doors.  Happiness.  It has alluded me for too long.  It has taken me a long time to figure out what the happy people know.  I have found my version of happiness in the present moment and the more I stay in the moment the happier I am.

      Happy enough that I presume that maybe my life of tears humbled me just enough.  My life of fear gave me just enough courage.  My life of humility gave me just enough awareness and my life of tears gave me just enough rainbows.

      My happy finds me thankful and honoring the memories, the moments and the tears that got me here.

It starts with a single droplet of water
Like that of a summer rain
I must surrender to the waters will
It comes out of nowhere and calls my name.
My body responds voluntarily in surrender
The beckoning call a much needed release
As the water makes its claim on me
My body shakes for inner peace
Memories flood my mind
As my steps I now retrace
The water flowing freely
And I yield to its embrace
An attempt at laughter and I
Am at the point of no return
I freely relinquish all control
And leave it to my heart to discern
It can start with an onion
And the effects on the eyes
As I peel away at the layers
I am left with no disguise
It can begin with a lullaby
Sparking memories of the past
A childhood left to no one
And praying the pain would never last
A remembrance of my mother
Her singing fills my mind
A soul lost to happen stance
Who chose to leave this world behind
The grief from mistakes I’ve made
Fall around me like a house of cards
As I have spent most of my years
Behind my self made wall of disregard
The waves are finally crashing over me
As my body relinquishes its control
Giving in to the convulsions of sobs
The only way I can be made whole
In humility I shall shed my tears
Embracing all that they bear within
An inner knowledge and wisdom
That only life experience can bring
Tears come in many forms
Maybe too many to comprehend
But I am always thankful for the visit
Like the comfort of a long lost friend
Just like when all of the water from a rain
Brings the gift of the brightest rainbow
I am always grateful to my tears because
I can see my life through their open window