That Was Yesterday{0}

The weak can never forgive. 

 Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. 
                                                          ~Mohandas Gandhi

It surprises me how many people are still replaying their old story instead of rising above it or letting it go. Maybe they don’t realize they’re doing it? But how can the ear not hear the sounds of the broken record? I’ve learned hard, long and loud and clear lessons that in order to let go, you must first forgive yourself. You must hug, hold and coddle the inner child that holds the stubborn traits. The hardest part? Knowing what needs to be exonerated.

The more I am made privy to peoples self inflicted limitations, the more I am reminded of how far I’ve come. There is always so far to go still but I realize today that my tears of yesterday have long since evaporated.

Another dip, turn, bend, slow decent on the roller coaster and it can seem to be never-ending. The vulnerability forgets what was said yesterday and you can’t seem to see the future.  We have all had moments where in one fell-swoop the negativity comes and carries us away on it’s magic carpet. The stress of it all can find us physically ill as proof that, that which we don’t deal with emotionally will manifest itself physically.

But once we let go physically, comprehension follows.

Through the childlike sobs of my yesterday, I gave in to the cleansing that can only happen when ones gives them self over implicitly. And so can you.  We all have stories that remind us of why are trying to get it right. This is one of mine.

The tears started falling as I pulled up to my street and as the car door closed behind me I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold on.  The depression was too much for me to handle and the sobs that followed would eventually make me laugh but not before they would have me surrender to my truths. Out loud I voiced my fears. I admitted what hurt. I confessed that some things were beyond my control. I let the tears take me. I let go.

I’ve had to walk on eggshells for most of my life.  Tiptoeing around the possibility that one false move or breath would disrupt the quiet that often claimed our household.  A brilliant but sometimes volatile entity at the helm of our clan taught me that I have no tolerance for bullies and yet they are everywhere. And no matter how hard we try, for some, nothing we do will ever be good enough.

With acknowledgment comes a lesson. We really do surround ourselves with that which we know and if we don’t figure out how to rise above the vibrational level of the pattern we will find ourselves stuck on the ride going around in circles.

There’s only so much we can do before we resign ourselves to the admission that a quest on principle alone will lead to disappointment. Some people will go to any lengths to win. Some people don’t know that not everything has to be a fight. I happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Again.

I have fought most of life just to survive and I don’t want to fight anymore. My tears have taught me well. I’m done fighting. It’s not even my fight anyway. If my self-preservation has taught me anything, it is that everything really does happen for a reason and this too shall pass.

That seems like a another life time now but it wasn’t that long ago. Gentle reminders can keep on us track. Humility can bore a strength in us parallel to no other. Use your strength of will to overcome your obstacles. Manipulate your story to fit who you are today. Don’t let the past dictate your nature. Put the past to rest and wake up to who you are meant to be now.