On The Other Side of the Bridge{0}

993006_10151663276885768_15702676_nLife With One Eye Open the novel has become bigger than me.  It’s unexpected but not surprising.  The outline is well underway for the Trilogy and the first two chapters of the sequel are complete (well the first draft is complete) and the working title has been registered.

For those of you who have read and/or are reading Life With One Eye Open (thank you for your comments and support), you know book 1 was not the happy moments in this Doppelgängers life. Well, the sequel will be. I promise. And book 3 will take us back to where it all began. A time when a heavenly throne gives birth to an evil Lord who comes across a dragon that will give him the ultimate ultimatum.

First two chapters of book two… (Work in progress)

The Bridge                                                                                    

Do you ever get the feeling that something is missing?  And I don’t mean just any old thing. I mean like the possibility of someone who has been missing from your existence and there is no way for you to be made whole? Like someone took a rib or something and it wasn’t God or Adam.  Like there was supposed to be another one of you (if that’s possible) but somehow you got left alone of behind or whatever?

There has always been this unequivocal sense that I was here for a bigger purpose but I lost time – lots of time – by being my own worst dichotomy and giving in to the never-ending justifications of “why me?”  I mean how could you spend most of your childhood in turmoil without a reason for it? Maybe I was a mass murder in a past life and I was getting back what I deserved.  I sure as hell told myself that enough times over the years that how could I not start to believe it?

How do you wake from that? How do you go from prey to huntsman? How do you break free?

If we’re lucky, one day we wake up and enough is enough already.  We start doing some investigating of our own by looking back across the bridge from where we came from.  Something peaks our interest and we can’t really tell anyone because what will the neighbor’s think and all that. But as the realization sets in that the signs were always there it’s time to take a good long look in the proverbial mirror.

The pen compels me to question my own impermanence. I must be a conduit.

Things weren’t falling apart and it wasn’t a slow progression or downward spiral.  It was broken to begin with.  The Young Girl who gave birth to me could have sealed my fate but something told me I was destined for something greater. Someone was trying to tell me I was better than the lies I was told.

The memories called out to me in my meditations, poetry and especially my dreams.

My Doppelganger was letting go. I could feel her fading away. I tried to hold on to her but she slipped out of my grasp and I couldn’t hold her.  As she left me I could hear her promises that she would never leave me but it made no sense.  She was leaving me and I had no choice but to come into this world without her.

With my first breath came her unmistakable voice. It was in my head I think. It was quiet and whisper like but loud and clear under my wailing as I tried to acclimate to the air and my lungs inhaled life for the first time.  Who was she talking to?  The other voices were unrecognizable and yet they seemed familiar. It was like a lullaby.  Whispers masked with the sounds of wings softly brushing against the very air I breathed.

Were those Angels? I immediately stopped the crying as I tried to listen closely to hear what they were saying.

“Help! Please help her. I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t strong enough to stay and help her.  Oh what have I done? How will she survive?” my Doppelganger Twin cried.

“Hush now. It’s all going to be okay. The Dragon called upon us so we knew she was coming. You weren’t supposed to survive; we need you with us. You’re the link. You are the only way for us to reach her. We have promised our protection.” The Angels said.

“You did?” asked my Doppelganger Twin with obvious confusion. “Yes, and there is much for you to know but for now we will just say this. There will be times when you will want to turn your head and cover your eyes, so just do it. Look away and trust that we will hold her through the most arduous of times. Be prepared that in your connection with her there will be times when you feel what she feels and it won’t feel good. There will be times when you will want to grab her and take cover but you can’t. Also know there will be times when she will know laughter but that isn’t what this story is about. And most importantly you cannot interfere with what happens to her. She must live out these course of actions so she may one day know her purpose.”

DRAGON? I screamed as I opened my eyes in a pool of sweat shaking my head.  Looking around and spotting the clock that read 3:45am I realized I was in bed. “Oh, that dream again” I muttered to myself as my head crashed back down into my very soft fluffy pillow.  Staring up at the ceiling I wondered if all this soul searching was finally getting to me.  “Maybe I should put the blog writing on hold”, I thought to myself. But just as fast as the thought formed, the thought evaporated and I knew not writing wasn’t an option.

Someone was trying to tell me something and this was the only way they could reach me. Little did I know; my poems of yesterday were soon to become the epiphanies of tomorrow.

Riding the pendulum like a crescent moon. I find the faith in what must be coming soon. I push forward like a swing and don’t hold back. The gravity comes for me and I don’t react. Just ride the wave of this vibrational level. An uplifting monument to the road less traveled. Thankful for times shared and lessons learned. Live with integrity leave no stone unturned. It has simply become my own narration. An exercise of will and a worldly translation. A language that speaks to all of us. Truthful in nature and one we all possess. Open your heart to the innocence of. The beauty in sharing unconditional love.  ~age 35



Now What                                                                   

As the alarm sounded in my ear and I jumped up to start the day I couldn’t get to my computer fast enough.  Going through the motions of getting ready my thoughts were relentless.

These days I seemed to think outside of who I was and where I came from. How many other people have experienced similar lives? So many people come from broken homes or face tragedy at an early age.  How is it that some people are crippled by it while others rise above it?  How is it that I am one of the latter?  I am now more than ever convinced that I have lived this life because it was this life that brought me here.

It is only natural that my thoughts try to get the best of me sometimes.  They remind me of the unanswered uncertainties of my life.  They threaten my intention with disenchantments of sadness, and isolation. But I have the power to choose another path. I’m not sure where this power comes from. Maybe it’s the Angels that visit me in my dreams. Maybe this Doppelganger of mine kept her promise after all.

I’m not sure where the tenacity comes from but I do know it has found me and I’m convinced it is what helps me to know that some people seem to be born like the birds that take flight for the winter.  They know instinctually where they’re going and which direction they are headed.  They even know how they’re going to get there and what they will do when they reach that destination.

We weren’t all born with the wings of a beautiful bird.  And I know that first hand.  If you’re like me and have felt at times that you were born with your wings clipped, you are not alone. It is never to late to believe in the impossible.

Have faith in your own dream, in your direction, your purpose.  In order to find our way we must first know ourselves.  And knowing ourselves is no easy task.  It may very well be the hardest journey that we ever embark upon.  But don’t fear. It’s through knowing ourselves that we will find our way.

The flight will be long and sometimes even tumultuous but the farther we spread our wings, the higher we will soar.  Don’t second-guess your direction.  Just keep your head high and believe in your dream. It’s our dreams that keep us alive and our instincts that will take us there. Listen to your life. It has a lot to say.

When we find our passion and we follow it with all our might, we become unstoppable. It’s when everything in life becomes synchronistic. When everything falls into place you are on your right path. You are a bird who can fly and your wings (broken or not) can take you on the journey of your choice.

Tomorrow is moving day. I knew I had to move. My life as I knew it was not doing me any great benefit nor was I doing any great benefit to it.  The salty air was clogging my brain and I couldn’t live in this cocoon any longer.  It was time to move inland.  Move inland to the trees and be a Thoreau or stay at the beach and be a Dennis Hopper.  I chose Thoreau.  It was time to stop fearing the change and to change the fears that stopped me.  So here I am and this is what brought me here.

The opportunity to reinvent the wheel is always exciting.  I’m being given a second chance. I’ve stopped wallowing in the “why me” and now the time has come for “now what?”

This soul searching that I have embarked upon and this determination to break the lineage of my past stems from how impressionable we can be.  We grow up to “live” other people’s lives as our own. We need to redirect our thought patterns and our beliefs in ourselves to change it. I can go back in time to many pages filled with ink and there find my loneliness, my confusions and my trying to make sense of the “why” and the “how”.

“Why” has been a staple in my vocabulary from as early as I can remember. The why’s came about because what could I have possibly done in a past life that would warrant the life I was living and I didn’t even know if I believed in past-lives? Why didn’t I have the answers?

Frustration and rebellion would set in like a bad rerun and I couldn’t turn it off.   I feared everyone and trusted no one. I was the quintessential representative of a misplaced youth and found myself face down in the proverbial gutter on many occasions.  My life had been obscured by why this and why that.

The indelible footprints of my questioning left me intent on finding answers.  I found solace in poetry and the words of encouragement from many books.  Authors like Og Mandino, Napolean Hill and Deepak Chopra became my best friends.  Devouring their words, I studied the concepts and I tested the theories.  The more I read the more I learned about myself and the more I learned about myself the more I wanted to know.  My search has taught me that for every event there was a life lesson to be pondered.  I just have to figure out what the lessons are.

Maybe it’s not about what happens to us but the very essence of our reaction to what happens. Maybe we really are given a choice at an early age and some choose the dark while others choose the light.

Taking in a deep breath and exhaling slowly, I sent my thoughts to sleep. As my mind listened my fingers instinctively started to relay the words to the keyboard letting the angels send their messages.

Today is a great day for a romance and for skipping no matter who is watching.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life and absolutely anything is possible.  Today is a day unlike any other and where it leads really is up to you.

Cast no judgments, they will only hold you back.  Hold no grudges, they will only hinder your growth.  Do not take part in discriminations for what you put out you will get back ten fold. Karma is a boomerang and only you have the ability to control your own outcome. Always be accountable.

Being human brings great responsibility and responsibility is not without consequence. If Mike Dooley is right and I do think he is, then thoughts become things and we really do write our own story. Do know that every great story goes through many rewrites?  We can talk ourselves out of bad decisions and we can talk ourselves right into a room.

Reminders always come in handy so keep them close.  You never know when you’re going to need them…

Love yourself and you will know hope. Hope for the best and you will know faith. Have faith and you will know your truth. Your truth will release the sun from behind the darkest clouds.

Love is the light that will lead the way. Consider love your conduit to long lasting relationships. It illuminates your innate desires and feeds your passions. Loves benevolence will open windows, doors and hearts everywhere.

Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel. Consider hope your inner flashlight. You control the switch and your batteries are solar powered. It helps you keep striving, pursuing, and seeing the bigger picture.

Faith is where the light is. Consider faith your adhesive to keep you in your strength. Hold on tight and let it hold onto you. The optimism will stir your senses and motivate your aspirations.

Truth is to walk in the light. Consider it your path to freedom from the darkness. The assimilation of truth will enlighten your spirit and purify your humanity. Embracing it shall truly set you free.

Love yourself and you will know hope. Hope for the best and you will know faith. Have faith and you will know your truth. Your truth will release the sun from behind the darkest clouds.  ~Day 1


Pepper Carlson
Copyright case #1-1552264801