Karma Rides Again {0}

Where do you go when you go away? And I don’t mean away on vacation or for an afternoon walk. I mean where do you go when you step away from who you thought you were?

Why do you go back to where the patterns of your past have a hold on you? It makes me wonder where I’ve been all this time.

What do you say to yourself that helps you break free?  I find myself wanting to revisit what I learned to figure out if the lessons mattered.

When you’ve been away from the page as long as I have, you can be intimidated by the empty space. If you’re like me, it is all an eye opener.  We all know change is scary. And I’ve been through enough changes in the last 3 years to feel upside down now.

How honest will we be with ourselves? Well I’m optimistic that with every truth I utter I will come closer to salvation. Karma rides again and I must be that much closer to 0 balance.

I hope my bright and cheery disposition wins even if sometimes behind closed doors I’m crying. I’m human. I’m not a bulldozer of strength that can withstand all the trials and tribulations I find myself in. 

I have figured out there’s really good news. We are a cornacopia of resources. Just like for every physical ailment there is an emotional attachment, for every circumstance there is a lesson. 

I’ve decided my best way to tackle the vast empty space is to take each line one at a time and put one word at a time in it’s place.  Like a card reading, it’s time to investigate the moments in comparison to the past that created it. 

Here is where we will set new intentions for the future. An experiment in trust, humility and integrity. Using the lunar new year as a celebration of life, we set our resolution. There is strength in recognition. Power in prayer. Answers in meditation. Art in doing nothing. Epiphanies in silence.

Time to get out of the thinking mind and into the doing state of existence.

What will your explorations say about you? 



Getting In The Zone {0}

You ever get lost in a good song or zone out when someone is talking to you? What happens when you’re deep in prayer? Ever arrive somewhere in your car and think “How did I get here so fast?”  These are all versions of a very relaxed comfortable state of mind. This is when you are one with your impressionable mind; your subconscious. These scenarios and many more not listed here are forms of self-hypnosis and is something we all experience on a daily basis.

This state of mind is most common with athletes and can show by numerous record breaking feats how powerful it can be. Atheletes instinctively know they do their personal best when they let out a deep breath, clear their mind and proceed in a peaceful and determined fashion. This is a form of deep industrial strength self-motivation.

You ever try to do something and you get so frustrated because you just can’t get it or do it? This is you fighting with yourself. You are coming from your conscious mind and you get in your own way. You over think it as it were. We all do it. Society has bred in us that we be overachievers. We move fast to keep up with the Joneses. The more we rush the more things get overwhelming. We need to slow down. When we slow our minds we actually gain time and pick up momentum toward our goals.

This deep state of relaxation is us opening the door to our mind and all its possibilities.

The biggest obstacle we ever face is our self. These barriers present themselves in our thoughts, our habits, and our patterns. Things seem out of reach and the principles of books like The Secret seem like hogwash because they don’t work for us. It’s not that they don’t work, it’s that your mind doesn’t register the whole story. The key to success in any endeavor is getting your minds congruent with one another. Our conscious minds are logical and deep rooted in childhood patterns. Our subconscious minds hold the answers to our misconceptions. It is more powerful than any book and make no mistakes it can harm us just as much as it can work for us.

Our thoughts are all powerful and if our modern day goals and intentions don’t align with the programs and concepts we learned in childhood we will always fall short of our desires. We have to reprogram the mind to override any immature programming’s that were instilled in us as children.

It is possible for us to reprogram ourselves to become resolute in our thinking thereby setting our course for a better life and a better us. It won’t happen over night. It takes practice and engagement. This is a commitment to yourself that you are worth it and a determination to rewrite your story.

It’s never too late to change your thoughts so you can change your life. There will be a lot of repetition. Think about it. If you’re honest with yourself you will admit that you have spent your whole life doing certain things over and over. You have become habitual in your ways. You’re here because you realize these habits no longer serve you. You are getting in your own way. It’s time for you to become whole with yourself so you live the life you imagine.

Take a minute now to honor yourself. Grab a piece of paper and a pen. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths in and out relaxing yourself and your mind. Get into a place of peaceful intention. Start to get some pictures in your mind of what you are determined to achieve. Your goals are never too big or too small. It doesn’t matter how outrageous or unattainable your inner chatter tries to tell you they are. Don’t listen!   Pick up your pen and start writing. Write down what your perfect life looks like.

Write in the first person and write in positive language.

Powerful vocabulary and positive self-talk will play a key role in our change. You are going to override the disparaging voice in your head that has been holding you back. Whether you write a paragraph or three pages doesn’t matter. Just write what feels amazing to you. What brings excitement to your heart and determination in your mind? Keep it close. You may want to add to it as you move forward with this experiment.  Pick one positive sentence about yourself and memorize it. Any time your mind tries to get the best of you, interrupt the thoughts and say your positive I am sentence. Yell it at your inner voice if you have too. Own it. Hold the power that comes with it and keep doing it. Repetition, repetitionn, repetition.

From my experience there are two parts to the subconscious mind and getting congruent with its thoughts, habits and patterns. I think of my subconscious mind as my child self. The bratty, wounded, hurt little one that likes to act out. It part III we will learn some exercises that will help us nurture the inner child that has a hold on our subconscious.  This will be a big key toward our success.  The other side of this is the power the subconscious mind holds and how easy it will do our biddings when we are in a state of mind where we can plant new suggestions. 

The strength, answers and change are within us. We don’t have to look outside ourselves for the answers. Our power lies within. Isn’t time to own your personal power? Can you imagine a life where everything is possible?

I leave you with this story from my favorite book and companion “The Genie Within” by Harry W. Carpenter (


A Parable

When he was just a boy, the old man heard a story of a woman who found a corked bottle on the beach. When she pulled the cork from the bottle, she imagined a genie had come out. The genie granted the woman all her wishes. The old man spent his life searching for his own bottle with a genie in it. He combed the beaches of every continent. Because of his obsession, he never had any lasting relationships or held a job for long. He was an unhappy man.  

One day on a beach near his home, he found the bottle he had been looking for. For a reason unknown to him, he felt there was a genie inside. Corks in other bottles were hard to pull out, but this one slipped out easily. Out of nowhere a genie appeared. The genie said to the old man, “I am here to grant you whatever you want.” 

”Whatever I want?”‘ replied the old man.

“Well,” said the genie, “almost anything. Since you are old and have never been in politics, it is unlikely that you would become President of the United States, nor do I think it wise to wish for a spot on the Olympic basketball team. And I do not think you want anything taken at someone else’s expense. So, no, not everything. Still, more than you have dreamed of. Certainly enough to make you happy and peaceful.”

The old man was ecstatic but then he became angry. ”Why has it taken me so long to find you? I could have accomplished so much had I found you when I was young.” 

”Ah, master,” said the genie, “But l I have been with you all along. I was not in that bottle. I have been with you and granting your wishes all of your life. Remember when you were six and you wished your father would pay more attention to you? You cut your finger. That was no accident. Your father washed the cut and held you. Remember? There was the time you flunked the CPA exam. You kept telling me you were not smart enough to be a CPA and that you were not worthy to make as much money as a CPA. Remember how you froze during the exam? You got your wish.” 

“Because you were not aware I was granting your wishes,” continued his genie, “Your wishes often hurt you. Sometimes the wishes were not even yours. They came from parents, teachers, friends and yes, often from TV ads. I am glad you found me. Now you will make wishes that are thoughtful and good. Now we can work together. Together we can stay healthy, find peace, and enjoy the richness of life.”


Part III

              coming soon…

Safety Deposit Box {0}

~ An Introductory Guide to Conscious/Subconscious Congruency ~

Part I

  1. Knowledge: The subconscious mind vs. the conscious mind
  2. Acceptance: The power of taking full deep deliberate breaths
  3. Compliance: Your willingness to get completely relaxed
  4. Simplicity: Trance like state where you are still alert and aware
  5. Commitment: Subconscious suggestibility
  6. Understanding: Logical mind (conscious) vs. Feeling’s mind (subconscious)
  7. Belief: You hold the power to change your thoughts
  8. Growth: When your conscious actions and thoughts are congruent with your subconscious feelings

As a certified hypnotherapist and avid life lesson analyst, I get very excited when asked to talk about the subconscious mind because I’ve spent most of my adult life performing what I call experiments, always delving deeper into the psyche. As I got older, I was like wait a minute. How come I keep doing that? How come I keep saying this? It can’t be a coincidence that my last three relationships resembled one or both of my parents. And when I say relationships it doesn’t just mean intimate relationships. This philosophy extends to friends, colleagues, and even bosses. Have you ever heard the expression; you attract that which you know? We tend to surround ourselves with what is familiar and we’re not the only ones. Our parents did the same thing, as did their parents and theirs… back even further through the ancestral lineage. In my novel, The Karma Chronicles Part 1 Hadrians Seal (Balboa Press a subsidiary of Hay House Publishing, 2017), which is book one of a trilogy, I take a good look at how often-certain patterns and habits get repeated and quite possibly passed down through the ages. Tackling the realities of generational curses, the vicious cycle of bad choices, and submitting to the negative self-talk of personal demons. Today I want to talk about how we have all become experts in recreating familiar experiences. And even though we may say we want something new and different and we really mean it, we keep finding ourselves still repeating the patterns. This is because the thoughts and words that come out of our mouths are not congruent with the feelings deep within us that were formulated in childhood.

Can you imagine a life where everything is possible?

Think of the subconscious mind as your internal safety deposit box. It is literally a memory bank full of defined childhood experiences. Our deposits are made in the form of experiences, thoughts, and cognitive behaviors. As we grew up these emotional deposits became a collective of stored perceptions. And it’s these insights that developed into our very personal model of the world. The subconscious mind processes the deposits and your conscious mind makes withdrawals in the form of involuntary functions, emotions, and habits. Most of our emotional conditionings were programmed in early childhood before our mental faculties matured. These programming’s resulted arbitrarily and were influenced by parents, teachers, peers, TV and, recently, from computer games. Freud said, “Emotional reactions are learned emotionally in childhood and this is carried into adulthood. When we are children, we do not have the faculties that we do in adulthood. We do not know what we are going to need as an adult to cope with situations. Therefore, as adults we (often) react as children.” Thus, our conscious mind reacts by the collective belief system stored in our safety deposit box. And even though these are old programs they are still influencing and possibly controlling our behavior even though many are counterproductive. There is of great importance in investing the time to train your minds to work together. Getting these two parts to be congruent with each other is when your actions and reactions are aligned with your current belief system and values. This occurs when your conscious mind trusts and consolidates the wealth of information the subconscious mind has to offer and this payoff will literally change our life. This is the ultimate win-win situation and harmony in your life will prevail.

Self-hypnosis is a proven effective tool for funding your subconscious mind with new thoughts and habits that are withdrawal ready. Self-hypnosis is a natural, relaxed trance like state of focused awareness. Unlike in sleep you are alert and in control the whole time. This relaxed state is a gateway to your subconscious mind (or habitual mind) where your innate habits and patterns reside. Self-hypnosis is a state where you become receptive to positive suggestions for change. There is an unlimited power source in your mental bank and only you hold the key that will open it. Your subconscious is the source of your motivation, ambition, patterns, habits, emotions, self-talk, behaviors, and attitudes.  

We hold the key to our personal power and with the right tools we can invoke permanent change. I think it’s time for some experiments and personal investigations. You in?


Part II

              coming soon…

Your Influential Mind {0}

89580-beautiful-nature-latest-wallpaper-8575671Letting go isn’t falling and I have settled in nicely with the truth. Our conscious mind adopted habits and patterns that didn’t resonate with our intrinsic values.  What a metaphysical mess.

The subconscious mind (also known as the unconscious mind) has been waiting patiently and silently to help us change the course of our lives. 

It only takes a single thought followed by undeniable intention, backed by unequivocal determination, invoked by immediate action and timed by a specific and deliberate date. This is the difference between just a dream and a tangible goal. With the proper modality anything is possible and dreams do come true. 

Life is full of gifts that you can pass on to the person next to you. Wisdom comes from experience and being grateful will set you free. Expectation leads to accomplishing the unexpected. Maybe it’s time to ask yourself some questions.

Why the hesitation?  What are you here to achieve?  When will you be ready?

Where will it take you?  Who will it make you?

Willy Wonka tried to tell us… “if you want to view paradise, you have to simply look around and view it”. You can do this. We don’t have to subscribe to nature vs. nurture. We have to accept that “thoughts become things” [Mike Dooley].  Age really is just a number and Bob Dylan was right when he sang to us… “I was older than, I’m much younger than that now”.  Serendipitous turnabouts everywhere I look and of late, a smile is my favorite accessory. That’s right. “The power of your subconscious mind” [Dr. Joseph Murphy Ph.D.] is patiently waiting your arrival. You can do this. Self empowerment was always in your hands and the stairway to heaven has you in it’s sights. You’re never alone and you don’t need to look outside yourself for happiness.  You can only love someone as much as you love yourself so love yourself the most! You can do this. If you do what you always did, you will get what you’ve always got. “Everything you ever needed to know you really did learn in kindergarten” [Robert Fulghum] and you’re not where you come from. You’re not what you do and half the time you might not even be who you think you are. So don’t believe half of what you think and know that you are God’s greatest miracle. If you listen carefully you can hear the encouragement whispering in the wind and if you’re watching closely, you’ll notice every time He winks at you. [Squire Rushnell]  

We’ve been given the gift of internal and innate wisdom. We just need to access it… And we hold the all access pass! 

Time to take action. Ready, Set, Go. The world is waiting.


…. to be continued…

Expecting Miracles, Creates Miracles {0}

critical faculty (1)

What would you do if tomorrow didn’t come?  Would you still wait?  What would you say if you knew it had to be today? Would you still be silent? 

Who would you be if you only had now?  

There is no better time than the present. The next minute may never come so be who you are now. Get up and take action.

Don’t let it pass you by. Don’t miss out on what could change your life. Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t take advantage. Get up and take action.

Here today gone tomorrow and live every moment as if it were your last. Wear what you want to wear. Say what you mean. Don’t let your life go unseen. Get up and take action.

Having always been a huge advocate of cognitive action, I am constantly testing theories, trying experiments and reinventing myself for the sake of adaptation. My circumstances called for it.  I answered.

Sometimes we encounter cognitive dissonance because we simply get in our own way or we over think things or over analyze. This is the conscious mind repeating the patterns and habits it learned throughout your life. This behavior will keep us from action. Get up and take action.

We can’t forget our innate ability to rise above circumstance. We can’t be afraid of the inevitable change on the journey to our true self. It is through change that we get to know our strengths, our weaknesses, and ourselves. The answers from our true self are waiting to be heard. Get up and take action.

Expecting miracles, creates miracles. Changing your thoughts, will change your life. 

It’s doable! Think of change as energy and since we are energetic beings we can access our own source to infinite possibilities.  It’s time to change the energy and emerge from whatever low vibrational level you have been operating from. 

Are you ready to let the internal messages of your mind speak to you? I can guide you there.

What would be possible for you if everything was possible?

… to be continued…

Your mind is a Garden {0}

AAEAAQAAAAAAAAKaAAAAJDcyODg4NzFkLWFhZTYtNGIyOS1iZWY4LWYyNWU1YjkwMWFiMgWow. The ups and downs of life just don’t let up. Thank God, we’re never given more than we can handle.  

My life has been complex. Like an atom that splits into a gazillion particles. The particles become the images of my mind. They are filled with intrigue and humility & strength and courage.  They are constantly coaxing me to persevere.

Through the frequent visits into my subconscious, I am deciphering the codes of my patterns and habits. My mind is giving me new insight into the values I hold dear.

The evidence is so clear. It always is. My conscious mind was so focussed on what I didn’t want and that is exactly what I got. No surprise there. I know better. But down the rabbit hole I went. But of course, as you know, I never let anything hold me back.

I am the constant wonderer.  Ruled my inner child, it’s time to hold hands with my intellect and for my intellect to hold hands with my body who is holding hands with my spirit.  This I can work with.  A quadrinity of the self.  And when we are one I can clear my mind of conscious clutter so I can heed the advice and suggestions of my subconscious. This is where the answers are. This is where I will be able to reinforce and replace the self limiting beliefs with new thoughts and actions of empowerment. 

The quantum physics of thought. You become what you think.

The unlimited power within is like a locked door and only we hold the key that will open it.  

My message has been loud and clear. How can I be of service? By being a guide for others. I will guide you to the source that holds all the answers… Your mind! 

Are you ready to plant your seeds?

… to be continued


Medicine for You {0}

Smiley Flower Happy!

A little mid-week pick me up…

Life ever after starts from within. 
It starts with a smile or silly little grin.

Choose happiness and find your smile. 
Have an expressive kind of style. 
Be who you are and wear what you want. 
Strut around like a debutante. 
But remember to be nice to all that you meet. 
Love and affection will make you complete. 
Find the humor in all that you do.
Laughter is the best medicine for you.
Being silly starts with a grin
While life ever after starts from within.

#KeepOnKeepingOn – Finding Words of Wisdom {1}

persistence-1I woke up in the morning wondering again what Bill Gates would have done. The curveballs were flying past my head like a batting cage gone array, so I did what any other crazy person would do. I ducked out of the way and got to figuring out a way to keep this going.  The best way to clear my head is to focus on something else. I open up my iPad to my learning how to read music app and proceed to (try to) play the piano as the notes come up and I have to press the correct key. At first it’s a disaster. My mind is scattered and all over the place but as I settle in and focus, my memory starts to give me confidence as I start pressing more correct keys over wrong ones. I’m learning to read music. Cool.

With the confidence of accomplishment, I head into my dining room (now warehouse) and start to put more kits together. Sometimes mindless activity is the best way to get your creative juices flowing. With another 100 kits safely in the closet and not without me noticing that I am running out of room in here, I get on the treadmill because I just need to clear my mind. From there I decide I’m hungry and make myself my morning vegan chocolate shakeolgoy with rice milk. Oh, have I mentioned it’s now only 9am on a Sunday and I’m well into another glorious sunny southern California day?


I grab my  iPad and settle into my lounge chair. I ask in silent prayer for something that will help me find the confidence that I’m on the right path. I need reasurrance and direction to keep me moving forward. I need to know the growing pains of starting a start up by yourself are temporary. In my ibook app I find Anthony Norvell calling out to me, “The Million Dollar Secret Hidden In Your Mind”. I start reading.

You Are an Heir to a Kingdom

The Bible tells us, “You are an heir to a kingdom.” Believe this statement as being literally true. It will help give you courage and faith. It will instantly help you shatter the mould of negative thoughts that might have been implanted in your mind as a child. The Bible also states, “It is the Father’s good pleasure to give the kingdom.” Believe this, and you will instantly begin to act and think and talk in a much more positive manner.  You will realize that the world and all therein was created for you to use and enjoy. You were created in the image and likeness of God. This spiritual belief will also help you realize that nothing but the best is good enough for one of God’s highest forms of creation. When you fortify your mind with this type of faith you will instantly release all the stored-up dynamic energy of your brain and body, and it will carry you on to great heights of achievement.

Goethe said of thought:

“Sow a thought, reap a habit; Sow a habit, reap a character, Sow a character, reap a destiny.”

Actually you build your future destiny thought by thought, and as these thoughts become more dynamic and perfect, they begin to shape your character and destiny in paths of greatness.


I am reminded that we as people are prone to the patterns of our thoughts. It’s our habits that get us firm in their grips. But I’ve read a lot of books that say a lot of the same things as Norvell and the common theme in all of them is changing your thoughts will change your habits and a new you will be born into greatness.  I come from negativity. A lot of it.  Some of the stories of my past are so far-fetched you would think it was a scene from a bad B movie. I know I do. But instead of wallowing in the why me, I choose to live in the what now?! Most people would make fun of my avid positive mental attitude (and they do) and it’s okay. It’s not for everyone. It’s all relative to what you are working with to begin with. I have spent my adult life de-brainwashing myself out of my past thoughts. I am not where I come from and I am capable of great things. My heart is pure and my intentions are genuine. I do not wish ill will on anyone even if they do to me. I forgive.

The books I read give me the encouragement to know I am better than any negative thought that tries to get the best of me. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. And nothing will come to you without hard work and persistence. I make a lot of spreadsheets. I put post-it note reminders all over telling me what I need to hear. I believe that for every no I am closer to that yes. And where there is will there is a way.

I made a visualization board and I wrote out a story of what my company would like, how it would be run and how much fun we would have.  Sound silly?  I think not.  I read an article years ago in Inc Magazine about Ari Weinzwig, CEO and cofounder of Zingerman’s gourmet food company. ( I was so moved by the article, I found Ari’s email on line and sent him a note of gratitude.  We became penpals and he sent me some reading material that he wrote that helped me shape the face of my company.  In his 2010 book “A Lapsed Anarchist’s Approach to Building a Great Business,” Weinzweig details the 12 laws on which he and his partners have built Zingerman’s. A must read for anyone launching or running a business.

It’s genius really. And all the greats have done a version of this. In Benjamin Franklin’s Autobiography I learned about the Thirteen Virtues’s of Success, which lead me to Og Mandino’s The Greatest Salesman in the World, which lead to me to his workbook, The Greatest Secret in the World.  It all comes back to thoughts become things.  They have all helped me shape new habits. And without the new habits I wouldn’t keep going the way I do.


With these reminders securely fastened in the front of my mind like a light to pave the way, it was time to figure out how to increase my brand awareness. I took stock in what I do have.  Unequivocal belief in my brand. Check. Inventory. Check. Creating jobs. Check.  But how to get the word out on a bigger scale? Get creative. So I did what I know. I started writing some more. And the next thing I knew, I wrote a treatment for a series of 5 small web video’s that are sure to make you laugh. But how to pay for it? Keep writing, do some research and don’t whatever you do, don’t be afraid to be told no. Remember for every no you’re closer to that yes.

Enter sponsorship opportunity web series.  Excitement got the better of me and I sent it out to some people prematurely. That’s okay. I would think you could still see the potential. One can only hope. My Director and I have gone back to the drawing board this past week and made some changes to keep the element of surprise and added a cool twist I hope we can pull off.  We are getting closer to what could really be something special. It will go out again to the same people letting them know we made some great changes to the stories. It will also go out to more people that I think are a great fit for our brand. Maybe the big brands will see the opportunity and value in helping our new company grow. I mean after all that’s what it’s all about right? Helping each other? It only takes one person at one company to believe in us the way that we do. And if we believe the way we do, how can they not believe too?

We’ll see…

More to come as #startup continues…

#curveball – What Would Bill Gates Do? {0}

Winding Road Through Green Hills HD Desktop BackgroundSo, as I was saying… In April – 2014 I attempted to self finance the manufacturing of 5000 units of my Rock Your Kicks DIY paint kit.  At the time, I couldn’t afford to have the paint company put our private labels on the jars so I had to source the labels elsewhere and prepare myself for having to fasten the labels to about 15,000 jars in my spare time.  At the same time as my purchases were under way, I hit some unexpected snags that sent my well thought out spreadsheet right through the shredder.

My Coordinator and I thought we had it all figured out. It looked like it on paper. I had made another one of my spreadsheets reflecting all my credit cards and balances.  I was able to increase the credit limits on almost all of them so we had a pretty good chunk of usable money.  I made another spreadsheet outlining the costs to mass produce the units broken down by components.  I also marked on my calendar the big job I was going to be doing that would pay back the credit cards while we focussed on building and selling the kits.

Then two unexpected and unthinkable things happened.


First, the big job we were counting on (I even bid the job and the company got it) didn’t come to me. The Producer decided he would just let his current team roll over since it was a lot of the same crew and never took into account that we turned down jobs because we were told we were doing his and on top of it, I bid the job and never even got paid for that. No bueno.

Needless to say, there went the money that was supposed to pay back the credit cards we had already charged up.


As if that wasn’t bad enough, I was then faced with some pretty ugly estranged family drama. I received an email from my publisher letting me know that someone was threatening to sue them if they published my novel.  They also assured me  I had nothing to worry about.  But when   you write someone off and out of your life for nearly four years (for the fifth or sixth time in your life) and then they come at you out of nowhere it can most certainly knock you off balance.  Enter costly family attorney number one.  The attempted blog comment to me directly was the straw to set my transferences on fire. Some people have a hatred in them that has nothing to do with us and there’s just nothing we can do about it. The attacks came swiftly and maliciously. First the false DMCA notices in an attack on my social media sites and then the proof that my fathers signature had been forged in yet another attempted threat letter to my publisher.  Enter costly commercial interest attorney number two. It continued to escalate. Enter costly business attorney number three.

I went over two months without working production while dealing with some very fast and unpredictable curveballs. The capital I had stashed away was dwindling fast and I had to get creative. It was time to  start thinking like a true entrepreneur. And to do that I needed to find one to extract advice from. I put it out to the Universe in my typical over zealous unequivocal faith sort of way, that I needed advice. And,  guess what? It all unfolded exactly the way I needed it to.  I booked a production job that same day. My Producer asked me for recommends for an Art Director. I was able to get my friend Keith on. As it turns out, Keith is also a very successful business owner/entrepreneur. He spoke, I listened.

Man on topAfter wrapping the job I took a few days to regroup and set my new intentions based on what Keith had taught me about leveraging credit.  And (of course) I made a new spreadsheet.  At the same time, the kit elements were starting to arrive and my apartment was filling up with boxes.  I was still short the stencils and the paint palettes and and I still couldn’t afford the actual boxes for the kit.

I took out a small personal loan with my credit union, borrowed another small amount from a friend and sold my BMW.  I paid down credit card debt and ordered the stencils and palettes since they would take at least three weeks to get to me.  I still couldn’t figure out how I was going to get the boxes.

Then I spent money in the dumbest way possible.  I ordered only ten of the expensive version of the boxes which of course made them even more expensive to order but I was blinded in the rush. A month later and thousands of dollars to attorneys instead of to my endeavor, I was still without the boxes. They were just too expensive.


My coordinator and I figured out a way to launch a Kickstarter campaign to come up with the money we needed for the boxes. We did a month of research and pre-launch leg work. We settled on an amount that was smaller than what we needed because we knew that if we didn’t hit our goal we wouldn’t get any of it. If only there had been cliff notes. There’s a lot of information about crowd sourcing on line. Most of it very helpful and some of it scams. In the end, we were funded and we could order our boxes (finally). Or so we thought. Another lesson in #startup #trialanderror.

  1. Get approved for an amazon merchant account to link to your Kickstarter campaign.
  2. While waiting on approval research how to extend your reach to other backers, the media and PR outlets.
  3. Write campaign, shoot video and come up with pledge incentives.
  4. Spend at least two hours (if you’re not working full time this should be your full time job for the duration of your campaign. We didn’t have that luxury) a day spreading the word about your Kickstarter (this will piss off some of your friends but others will be totally supportive)
  5. Kickstarter is funded (hopefully yours is too).
  6. Wait up to three weeks for Kickstarter to collect the funds and transfer the money to the amazon merchant account.
  7. Check your Kickstarter campaign page to learn which funds cleared and which didn’t (over $1500.00 of pledges didn’t clear people’s accounts)
  8. Check your amazon merchant account to learn that Kickstarter and Amazon both charged you fees against all the money. Including the money you never received.


images-1As I’m sure you can imagine, this was turning out to be a total cluster f**k and quite frankly I was getting closer and closer to throwing in the towel and chucking the partial inventory into the ocean!

I paced, I cried and then I had an idea I should have thought of months ago! I called my box designer. “We need to go back to the drawing board.” I told him.  “The boxes are just way too costly for what I’m trying to do and we need to redesign the box and get the cost way down. Send me what you think it can be.” He was excited. I was scared.

He called me the next day with a contagious excitement and explained the new and improved box idea.  He sent me a sample.  It was smaller, lighter and much easier to put together.  It would be three boxes in one and the most exciting part was how affordable the new idea would be!  Within a week I submitted a PO for 5000 units.  I took my paycheck from a week of working production and paid for them free and clear.

Not being able to afford the original box turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to this endeavor! But I’m nowhere near done and every time I blink there is something else that needs to be done.

Daymond John had a garage, Bill Gates had a basement. I have an apartment full of inventory as a constant reminder that I really am doing this. It’s not easy to stay positive. It can get stressful and unnerving and beyond frustrating.  I haven’t created the next big app or the next tech savvy gadget so investors (well at least the ones I’ve found) are not interested. I’m pursuing a product that will hopefully bring kids ages 5 and up and their parents together to do something fun and creative. It will help the kids gain confidence and I have to know there is value in that. Children need our guidance and after tutoring homeless kids through School on Wheels I am determined more than ever to get this out there.

Building a kit for the market isn’t easy but it’s doable. Just ask my new friends, the founders of Makers Kit ( They are just over a year old and they sell over a dozen different DIY kits.

RYK strives to be like other successful DIY toys on the market but this is only 45 days old and we need to keep things in perspective and know we have a long way to go.  The good news is we’ve arrived. And while it has not been without it’s challenges it has also been with some rewards.  We were able to donate 75 kits to charity in time for the 2014 holiday season as planned! We donated 25 kits to Peaches Neet Feet, From One Hand to Another, and My Stuff Bags Foundation.

visualizeThere is still a very windy road ahead but we’re pushing the train and keep our chins up. Steve Jobs said, “Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith,” (Based on Walter Isaacson’s biography Steve Jobs.) That pretty much sums up what starting a start up feels like a lot of the time. But we’re not giving up. There’s still too much to do and this deserves a chance. I insist on thinking in my own small way like Bill Gates, visualize to actualize!

Stay Tuned for more in the #StartUp #Curveball saga when I return with…



Missed the beginning of the story?   It all starts here… #startup – Footsteps to Follow



On The Other Side of the Bridge {0}

993006_10151663276885768_15702676_nLife With One Eye Open the novel has become bigger than me.  It’s unexpected but not surprising.  The outline is well underway for the Trilogy and the first two chapters of the sequel are complete (well the first draft is complete) and the working title has been registered.

For those of you who have read and/or are reading Life With One Eye Open (thank you for your comments and support), you know book 1 was not the happy moments in this Doppelgängers life. Well, the sequel will be. I promise. And book 3 will take us back to where it all began. A time when a heavenly throne gives birth to an evil Lord who comes across a dragon that will give him the ultimate ultimatum.

First two chapters of book two… (Work in progress)

The Bridge                                                                                    

Do you ever get the feeling that something is missing?  And I don’t mean just any old thing. I mean like the possibility of someone who has been missing from your existence and there is no way for you to be made whole? Like someone took a rib or something and it wasn’t God or Adam.  Like there was supposed to be another one of you (if that’s possible) but somehow you got left alone of behind or whatever?

There has always been this unequivocal sense that I was here for a bigger purpose but I lost time – lots of time – by being my own worst dichotomy and giving in to the never-ending justifications of “why me?”  I mean how could you spend most of your childhood in turmoil without a reason for it? Maybe I was a mass murder in a past life and I was getting back what I deserved.  I sure as hell told myself that enough times over the years that how could I not start to believe it?

How do you wake from that? How do you go from prey to huntsman? How do you break free?

If we’re lucky, one day we wake up and enough is enough already.  We start doing some investigating of our own by looking back across the bridge from where we came from.  Something peaks our interest and we can’t really tell anyone because what will the neighbor’s think and all that. But as the realization sets in that the signs were always there it’s time to take a good long look in the proverbial mirror.

The pen compels me to question my own impermanence. I must be a conduit.

Things weren’t falling apart and it wasn’t a slow progression or downward spiral.  It was broken to begin with.  The Young Girl who gave birth to me could have sealed my fate but something told me I was destined for something greater. Someone was trying to tell me I was better than the lies I was told.

The memories called out to me in my meditations, poetry and especially my dreams.

My Doppelganger was letting go. I could feel her fading away. I tried to hold on to her but she slipped out of my grasp and I couldn’t hold her.  As she left me I could hear her promises that she would never leave me but it made no sense.  She was leaving me and I had no choice but to come into this world without her.

With my first breath came her unmistakable voice. It was in my head I think. It was quiet and whisper like but loud and clear under my wailing as I tried to acclimate to the air and my lungs inhaled life for the first time.  Who was she talking to?  The other voices were unrecognizable and yet they seemed familiar. It was like a lullaby.  Whispers masked with the sounds of wings softly brushing against the very air I breathed.

Were those Angels? I immediately stopped the crying as I tried to listen closely to hear what they were saying.

“Help! Please help her. I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t strong enough to stay and help her.  Oh what have I done? How will she survive?” my Doppelganger Twin cried.

“Hush now. It’s all going to be okay. The Dragon called upon us so we knew she was coming. You weren’t supposed to survive; we need you with us. You’re the link. You are the only way for us to reach her. We have promised our protection.” The Angels said.

“You did?” asked my Doppelganger Twin with obvious confusion. “Yes, and there is much for you to know but for now we will just say this. There will be times when you will want to turn your head and cover your eyes, so just do it. Look away and trust that we will hold her through the most arduous of times. Be prepared that in your connection with her there will be times when you feel what she feels and it won’t feel good. There will be times when you will want to grab her and take cover but you can’t. Also know there will be times when she will know laughter but that isn’t what this story is about. And most importantly you cannot interfere with what happens to her. She must live out these course of actions so she may one day know her purpose.”

DRAGON? I screamed as I opened my eyes in a pool of sweat shaking my head.  Looking around and spotting the clock that read 3:45am I realized I was in bed. “Oh, that dream again” I muttered to myself as my head crashed back down into my very soft fluffy pillow.  Staring up at the ceiling I wondered if all this soul searching was finally getting to me.  “Maybe I should put the blog writing on hold”, I thought to myself. But just as fast as the thought formed, the thought evaporated and I knew not writing wasn’t an option.

Someone was trying to tell me something and this was the only way they could reach me. Little did I know; my poems of yesterday were soon to become the epiphanies of tomorrow.

Riding the pendulum like a crescent moon. I find the faith in what must be coming soon. I push forward like a swing and don’t hold back. The gravity comes for me and I don’t react. Just ride the wave of this vibrational level. An uplifting monument to the road less traveled. Thankful for times shared and lessons learned. Live with integrity leave no stone unturned. It has simply become my own narration. An exercise of will and a worldly translation. A language that speaks to all of us. Truthful in nature and one we all possess. Open your heart to the innocence of. The beauty in sharing unconditional love.  ~age 35



Now What                                                                   

As the alarm sounded in my ear and I jumped up to start the day I couldn’t get to my computer fast enough.  Going through the motions of getting ready my thoughts were relentless.

These days I seemed to think outside of who I was and where I came from. How many other people have experienced similar lives? So many people come from broken homes or face tragedy at an early age.  How is it that some people are crippled by it while others rise above it?  How is it that I am one of the latter?  I am now more than ever convinced that I have lived this life because it was this life that brought me here.

It is only natural that my thoughts try to get the best of me sometimes.  They remind me of the unanswered uncertainties of my life.  They threaten my intention with disenchantments of sadness, and isolation. But I have the power to choose another path. I’m not sure where this power comes from. Maybe it’s the Angels that visit me in my dreams. Maybe this Doppelganger of mine kept her promise after all.

I’m not sure where the tenacity comes from but I do know it has found me and I’m convinced it is what helps me to know that some people seem to be born like the birds that take flight for the winter.  They know instinctually where they’re going and which direction they are headed.  They even know how they’re going to get there and what they will do when they reach that destination.

We weren’t all born with the wings of a beautiful bird.  And I know that first hand.  If you’re like me and have felt at times that you were born with your wings clipped, you are not alone. It is never to late to believe in the impossible.

Have faith in your own dream, in your direction, your purpose.  In order to find our way we must first know ourselves.  And knowing ourselves is no easy task.  It may very well be the hardest journey that we ever embark upon.  But don’t fear. It’s through knowing ourselves that we will find our way.

The flight will be long and sometimes even tumultuous but the farther we spread our wings, the higher we will soar.  Don’t second-guess your direction.  Just keep your head high and believe in your dream. It’s our dreams that keep us alive and our instincts that will take us there. Listen to your life. It has a lot to say.

When we find our passion and we follow it with all our might, we become unstoppable. It’s when everything in life becomes synchronistic. When everything falls into place you are on your right path. You are a bird who can fly and your wings (broken or not) can take you on the journey of your choice.

Tomorrow is moving day. I knew I had to move. My life as I knew it was not doing me any great benefit nor was I doing any great benefit to it.  The salty air was clogging my brain and I couldn’t live in this cocoon any longer.  It was time to move inland.  Move inland to the trees and be a Thoreau or stay at the beach and be a Dennis Hopper.  I chose Thoreau.  It was time to stop fearing the change and to change the fears that stopped me.  So here I am and this is what brought me here.

The opportunity to reinvent the wheel is always exciting.  I’m being given a second chance. I’ve stopped wallowing in the “why me” and now the time has come for “now what?”

This soul searching that I have embarked upon and this determination to break the lineage of my past stems from how impressionable we can be.  We grow up to “live” other people’s lives as our own. We need to redirect our thought patterns and our beliefs in ourselves to change it. I can go back in time to many pages filled with ink and there find my loneliness, my confusions and my trying to make sense of the “why” and the “how”.

“Why” has been a staple in my vocabulary from as early as I can remember. The why’s came about because what could I have possibly done in a past life that would warrant the life I was living and I didn’t even know if I believed in past-lives? Why didn’t I have the answers?

Frustration and rebellion would set in like a bad rerun and I couldn’t turn it off.   I feared everyone and trusted no one. I was the quintessential representative of a misplaced youth and found myself face down in the proverbial gutter on many occasions.  My life had been obscured by why this and why that.

The indelible footprints of my questioning left me intent on finding answers.  I found solace in poetry and the words of encouragement from many books.  Authors like Og Mandino, Napolean Hill and Deepak Chopra became my best friends.  Devouring their words, I studied the concepts and I tested the theories.  The more I read the more I learned about myself and the more I learned about myself the more I wanted to know.  My search has taught me that for every event there was a life lesson to be pondered.  I just have to figure out what the lessons are.

Maybe it’s not about what happens to us but the very essence of our reaction to what happens. Maybe we really are given a choice at an early age and some choose the dark while others choose the light.

Taking in a deep breath and exhaling slowly, I sent my thoughts to sleep. As my mind listened my fingers instinctively started to relay the words to the keyboard letting the angels send their messages.

Today is a great day for a romance and for skipping no matter who is watching.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life and absolutely anything is possible.  Today is a day unlike any other and where it leads really is up to you.

Cast no judgments, they will only hold you back.  Hold no grudges, they will only hinder your growth.  Do not take part in discriminations for what you put out you will get back ten fold. Karma is a boomerang and only you have the ability to control your own outcome. Always be accountable.

Being human brings great responsibility and responsibility is not without consequence. If Mike Dooley is right and I do think he is, then thoughts become things and we really do write our own story. Do know that every great story goes through many rewrites?  We can talk ourselves out of bad decisions and we can talk ourselves right into a room.

Reminders always come in handy so keep them close.  You never know when you’re going to need them…

Love yourself and you will know hope. Hope for the best and you will know faith. Have faith and you will know your truth. Your truth will release the sun from behind the darkest clouds.

Love is the light that will lead the way. Consider love your conduit to long lasting relationships. It illuminates your innate desires and feeds your passions. Loves benevolence will open windows, doors and hearts everywhere.

Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel. Consider hope your inner flashlight. You control the switch and your batteries are solar powered. It helps you keep striving, pursuing, and seeing the bigger picture.

Faith is where the light is. Consider faith your adhesive to keep you in your strength. Hold on tight and let it hold onto you. The optimism will stir your senses and motivate your aspirations.

Truth is to walk in the light. Consider it your path to freedom from the darkness. The assimilation of truth will enlighten your spirit and purify your humanity. Embracing it shall truly set you free.

Love yourself and you will know hope. Hope for the best and you will know faith. Have faith and you will know your truth. Your truth will release the sun from behind the darkest clouds.  ~Day 1


Pepper Carlson
Copyright case #1-1552264801

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