Angels reside here; in the land of sun and snow. born to be mad with a soft heart. there’s no anger here. (well not always) mushy self reflections. a roller coaster of he said she said brings you down to earth. parents weren’t any wiser. the baby boomer gone array. left to certain circumstance. consideration, your best friend. sometimes you look up and you find a place to run. deliberate pondering brings up memories from the past. they weren’t all bad and some of them didn’t last. hidden behind the face of work and now it’s spirits high. stocking up on memories in abundant supply.
a jack kerouac moment comes and goes. tom waits serenades you from the throne. archangels provide a getaway from that which you couldn’t know.
a sudden blast of relief when all else is not what it seems. laughter fills the air like a coupon once redeemed. once a crusade now a campaign. an effervescent dispersion of the sun’s light after rain.
life is an extravaganza. rise to the occasion. letting go of all persuasion. be true to your emotions and honor them with care. let all your stones be upturn, nurture them with prayer.
you’ll never be alone if you believe it to be so. happily ever after in the land of sun and snow.
Wanted to take a moment and let you know that I am very well aware of all that you are doing for me. Showering me with the gift of energized agility is working. Staying in a place of intention brings revelations. I realize that without our circumstance we wouldn’t have character and without our humbling moments we wouldn’t know bravery.
We are never alone and the wishing well is within. You are always with all of us and all around us. Shooting stars of redemption that bring us closer to the rainbow.
Thank you for standing by me and helping me have the courage to make beneficial decisions. I know that what may not seem like what I want, it is usually what I need. I know to see the signs and not be blinded by the idea of something. I know that when something goes away it opens up the room for something greater.
My windows are wide open and my heart knows peace today. I am too busy juggling multiple jobs to dwell on what I can’t do anything about and that puts things in perspective. Yeah sometimes I’ll get mad at where I come from but nothing like a little fuel to keep me moving forward.
I get it.
Feeling Grateful,
~P
p.s. Thank you for using Geno to respond to my last letter to you. It really helped.
I’ve been writing my blog for over 2 years and for the first time I considered I just don’t have anymore to give. My last entry seems a life time ago and I still don’t know who I am. It felt good to be so positive and uplifting and honest. I’ve welcomed the feedback and embraced the comments from those who have benefited from all I have to say. But at the end of the day and after 5 days of open flood gates with no end in sight I realize I’m still broken.
I don’t know if I really believed that doing this could fix me. I’m not sure if some words on paper were going to be enough to bring me the answers I seek. I’m not sure if it was ever going to be enough to help.
For the sake of not giving up (and my current feelings possibly temporary because I am no longer a fan of the holidays) I’m going to switch gears and try a different tactic. I’m going to write some letters. I know for the most part these letters will go unanswered but maybe by some miracle they’ll give me a sign. A doorway of possibility into who I am and not who I could have been.
This is my plan B. Raw, uncensored and unconditional. This is for me. My letters to the Archangels.
A far cry from the face I show the world but was I really so naive to believe that what’s hidden underneath my armor wasn’t going to break free? It’s left me humbled, wanting and quite wide open. This is a journey I must embark on. I wonder how long it will last? I guess it doesn’t matter if I’m supposed to live for today. Well today this is me.
Dear Archangels,
I’m pissed. I don’t understand why a family would bring a kid into the world and then not want them. Why not put the kid up for adoption so a loving family can take over and nurture and love and cherish them. Who could I have been if I had known a parents love?
The mistakes I’ve made are countless and this shell I’m wearing is cracking all around me. When is my face going to run out of water?
My youth was taken away from me and now the ones who it took it are all gone. Who is left to yell at? All these questions will go unanswered. Don’t any of you know what you’re doing? How could you let this happen? And how many kids out there are worse off than I ever was?
How long can I stay in this bubble of self protection hidden from the truths of the past? I just want my brain to work in a manner that I can trust. I don’t want it to play on tricks on me and give me glimpses of what life can be. I don’t want to take 2 steps forward only to fall tumbling dirty and breathless back down the hill.
Enough with the lessons already. You can’t keep leaving me dangling off the side of the cliff to fend for myself. If I have to embrace the fact that I come from where I come from and all I can do now is deal with it, then will you please interfere and help set me free?
I have a lot I want to do in a short amount of time and I can really use your help.
Imploring and annoyed,
PC
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photo courtesy of http://1ms.net/stairway-to-heaven-211384.html
What would you do if tomorrow didn’t come? Would you still wait? What would you say if you knew it had to be today? Would you still be silent? Who would you be if you only had now?
There is no better time than the present. The next minute may never come so be who you are now. Get up and take action.
Don’t let it pass you by. Don’t miss out on what could change your life. Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t take advantage.
Here today gone tomorrow and live every moment as if it were your last. Wear what you want to wear. Say what you mean. Don’t let your life go unseen.
Having always been a huge advocate of cognitive action, I am constantly testing theories, trying experiments and reinventing myself for the sake of adaptation. My circumstances called for it. I answered.
Sometimes we encounter cognitive dissonance because we simply get in our own way or we over think things or over analyze. This behavior will keep us from action.
We can’t forget our innate ability to rise above circumstance. We can’t be afraid of the inevitable change on the journey to our true self. It is through change that we get to know our strengths, our weaknesses, and ourselves.
Change is energy. We are energy. This planet is full of energy. The ebb and flow of life is the give and take of this energy. And it’s through our energy and the experiences that our energies attract that our answers will be revealed.
Who would you be if you only had now?
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photo courtesy of tree solace http://www.facebook.com/pages/Tree-Solace
Life moves at its own pace. You can’t race the sound barrier or beat the speed of light. But you can take anything that gets thrown your way and use it as a path to step up the cosmic latter.
It tends to be easier to let things get the best of you. It can be a reactionary stimulus governed by the philosophy of argh, not again. But if it’s true, you write your own story, then wouldn’t it hold true that your adlibs put you on the obstacle course to begin with?
Rewriting your past inner dialogue is how you will step into the realm of your ultimate future. Repetition will change your course of action. With persistence and determination you can set your own pace.
Power vocabulary, action and intention will keep you on your right path. You can’t ever give up or let anything get you down. You must get up and brush yourself off every chance you get. You have to know in your heart of hearts that everything really does happen for a reason and for every no you are closer to that yes.
Do you know what you want?
Write it down. Record it. Sing it. Make a little rhyme or whatever might work you. Believe that it’s yours and be thankful for it. Ask people for it. Send emails even if they are to yourself. Say prayers giving thanks for the blessings.
It doesn’t matter what you’re after. The world will give you what you ask of it. There is plenty of abundance to go around. And it doesn’t matter where you are, you can only go up from here.
Everything that happens to you is the Universe giving you a gift. Take a moment to be grateful. Be humble. Be determined. Be emphatic in your choices. Get ready. The train is coming and it’s time to get on it.
Time moves slow sometimes even when we think it’s a sprint. Greatness doesn’t happen over night and the world has a way of reminding us that, that which is worth pursuing is worth the wait.
Being the queen of wanting immediate gratification doesn’t always lead to the open door. Consistent planning, persistence and patience makes you question the path sometimes. But everything we pursue deserves all the time, effort and determination we can muster.
Feeling a little scattered and unmotivated happens. Keeping things in perspective is necessary for perseverance. Sometimes it’s just time to rest. Sometimes our bodies tell us we need to slow down.
Quiet reflection is an opportunity to take a moment to remember who we are and why we are here. Obstacles make us stronger. For every no we are closer to that yes. For every misstep there is a lesson to be learned. Some things are just out of our control. But thoughts really do become things so we have to just keep reminding ourselves that it is up to us say yes and the yes’s will follow.
Let’s choose yes. Let’s speak in the first person and speak with intention. Let’s make these statements emphatically and lets keep saying them over and over until they become a part of us. Isn’t our own encouragement worth a few minutes of the day? The time is now. Let’s say this loud and clear.
“I believe in me.I know implicitly, that I have a realm of possibilities at my disposal and I know utterly and completely that I am capable of so much.I set my goals high and I follow through with conviction. I am here to serve and I lead by example. I owe it to myself to live up to my true potential.I know that I hold the secret to my own success.It is my turn to shine.I am very deserving.I can afford it and I accept all the riches that life has to offer.I welcome and accept the beauty of life.I trust and therefore attract and accept trustworthy people in my life.I let go wholeheartedly of my limiting beliefs.I release them.I am brave and courageous and willing and able. I embrace my opportunities with the respect they deserve.I am beautiful and I am loved.”
As we get older we tend to get set in our ways. We get used to making our decisions based on our own needs in any given moment. Our wants tend to take precedence over consideration. Our personal pleasures have long since known negotiation. We own it. We wear it well. We bask in individual satisfactions. We come and go as we please. We walk away when it suits us. We got used to being alone.
happy medium
It’s possible that one day you wake up and you realize you have someone you enjoy spending time with. You laugh a lot. You’re open. There’s so much to say. Things in common. Private jokes. Big smiles. Singing songs and dancing in front of the fire. Holidays come and go and you’re together.
agreement
You decided to wait on that next decision so you could discuss it. You look forward to hearing stories. You buy surprise gifts. You leave little love notes. You see movies you wouldn’t usually see. You cook together. You wake up together laughing and looking forward to the day.
balance
Love isn’t scary. It’s happy compromise.
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photo courtesy of http://www.healinggardenspaces.net
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud, was more painful then the risk it took blossom” ~ Anaïs Nin
Have you ever stumbled and fell but then decided to just stay put and see what you could learn? Did you know that when you fall if you roll yourself over and look up, you could see it all?
I’m clumsy so there’s been a lot of falling over the banners of enter at your own risk or don’t enter at all. Whether we like it or not, we have flaws, we make mistakes and if we’re lucky it all reminds us that we’re human.
We are never alone and it’s all always relative. Limiting beliefs will cripple you. Self sabotage guarantees failure. Step aside. Get out of your own way. Be true to your feelings and your possibilities.
The world is a really big place and there are lots of lessons, tons to do, and so much to take in. When you let yourself go and open yourself up to whatever has come to take hold of you, that’s when you learn.
Have faith and the world will catch you. Be vulnerable and the magic happens. Express your true nature at all times and your authenticity will be rewarded.
When you fall out of your cocoon, ultimately you’ll be able to fly.
Life and death. The normal course of action most of us have to take. Memories of a long lost so many years have past us by dear friend who let life get the best of him and chose another way. Taking your own life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There is always another way.
Even when you’re happy you can have moments of sadness. Even when everything goes your way you can hope for something more. Even when you know to move on you remember. Even if it’s all okay it can still hurt. Even in your deepest moments of clarity you can still be confused. Even if you’re not sure, you should keep your chin up. Eventually this to shall pass.
Always in touch with my dark side and the wonderment of a child I sometimes give in to the romantic notion of how life can take your breath away. Getting into a space of where Alice in Wonderland meets Oscar Wilde’s memories and the flow of consciousness will hopefully set us free.
Sometimes we fall but we get back up. Sometimes we want to hold on but the world moves to fast. Let go. Life promises to catch you. Sometimes the Universe just wants us to step out of our shell and experience life and sometimes a little poetry babble helps you keep going.
I wish that I could tell you that I didn’t want your kiss.
I wish there was a way for me to make a different wish.
If only time could follow through when it set you in my sights.
If only I had turned away and back into the night.
I don’t know if you’ll ever get this message I am sending.
Some things weren’t meant to have a happily ever ending.
In a different time and a different place.
Maybe in my dreams I’ll get to see your face.
Clocks don’t go backwards so that part makes sense.
Angels reside here; in the land of sun and snow. born to be mad with a soft heart. there’s no anger here. (well not always) mushy self reflections. a roller coaster of he said she said brings you down to earth. parents weren’t any wiser. the baby boomer gone array. left to certain circumstance. consideration, your best friend. sometimes you look up and you find a place to run. deliberate pondering brings up memories from the past. they weren’t all bad and some of them didn’t last. hidden behind the face of work and now it’s spirits high. stocking up on memories in abundant supply.
Life moves at its own pace. You can’t race the sound barrier or beat the speed of light. 
