It’s been a while since we had a “check in” so today is the day. I for one had a very interesting epiphany this evening. It’s possible that my lucid coherence to the facts brings me a step closer to grasping the art of letting go. For this I am thankful and I am also very aware that my deepest moments of recognition come when I am overtired and overworked. This is an interesting concept onto itself, “When we are too tired to fight ourselves, we have no choice but to be open, and it is in this openness that our true answers are revealed”
Even though my day started at 4am for the second day in a row, it was inevitable that I find a way to nourish my body. Taking myself on an evening run in this beautiful weather on the sandy beach of the Marina peninsula gave me a priceless moment of clarity. While there is excitement at the revelation there is also a sense of awe. We certainly are an interesting breed with intricate layers to our emotions, patterns and roots.
Does my awareness mean it’s possible that moving on from this pattern is finally within my reach?
One can only hope.
Since most of my childhood was spent trying to establish a relationship with my mother that she wasn’t cable of having, it was unavoidable that one of my patterns would find me wanting what I couldn’t have. Interestingly enough, when it comes to my friendships and my work I have been quite successful at fulfilling my dreams and establishing long lasting connections.
Relationships have been a whole other story. After my five year relationship I settled into the insight that maybe I am the one that is emotionally unavailable. That turning into our parents is inescapable and thus my fate was sealed. But the awareness gave me a realization. Being cognizant is half the battle. I convinced myself that I could rise above the low vibrational level and be available to the possibility.
One of my best friends told me once that when you date someone you should be left feeling elevated by the exchanges, cherished as a person and motivated to be the best you, you can be. This information nuzzled its way into my heart and I started walking in its footsteps.
This new vibrational level has me accepting my shortcomings, embracing my quirks, and loving my sense of independence. My flirtatious nature finds my eyes sparkling and I have found my happy. While some dates have left me wondering if dating was for me at all, one interesting encounter left me breathless. The good thing is I now know what I am capable of. I am having fun feeling again, being sexy, and embracing the adoration. But here in lies the rub.
What do you do when the connection is there but the person isn’t going to be for months on end? Do you wait when you are supposed to be living your life and finding someone to share it with? Do you spend months missing each other and sharing how you wish you were together or do you set it free?
My precarious nature wants the world and everything in it. It’s hard to let go of things sometimes. Especially when big parts of those things make you feel amazing but the choice must be made to live in the moment. We can’t stop our lives for risk it will hinder our growth. Everything happens for a reason and there is someone for everyone. Time holds so many secrets and if we really can manifest our own destiny (and I believe we can) we just need to be more specific about our needs, wants and prerequisites.
It’s time to take this experiment a step further and see just how far awareness can go in making sure our patterns relinquish control to our true nature. Have you had any pattern shifts lately?
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By pcarlson
Category: awareness, courage, hope, letting go, life
