intention

A Little Less Censorship

Oct 13, 2012

A Little Less Censorship

Coming out from under the umbrella. An attempt at being myself. How do you cross the threshold of censorship when you grew up in a town of what will the neighbors think.  I think the neighbors all have their own secrets and who gives a fuck what anyone thinks anyway.

Having been separated by death from the contradicting web of a families lies, I had forgotten how angry I was. Sometimes I want to curse and scream and maybe even throw some things but instead I live in a place of constant composure and I don’t even know who I am anymore.

The self inflected separation from the ones who brought me into this world left me free to be beautiful but how far below the surface does the explosion lie?  How can someone look like a cheerleader from Connecticut but come from such chaos. Did I get taken from the wrong family at the hospital?

Does anyone else ever feel like they could go 9 rounds just for the hell of it?

Tragedy wasn’t just meant for Shakespeare and I shall hope to never erupt like a volcano.  Pushing from afar and relentlessly testing my very viable Spanish tantrums isn’t going to work.

The decision has been made that this new information I was given whether it be another lie or not shall be the last chapter in the book.

What a mess.  And to think it explains a lot, might actually make sense and what a bunch of crazy liars. How much more should I have to endure? When will it truly not matter?  Statistic list number, who the hell knows, I’ve finally lost count.  Maybe it’s my calling to let it all out.  Say what I feel when I feel it and see if the sky opens up all together.

But how do I unravel this unnerving strength that lay within me like a shapeshifter? The unequivocal strength of a girl up against the wall.  The detachment is securely fastened around the box that holds my heart. Composure meets censorship and are there any truths left?

 All I can do for now is laugh because they’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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photo courtesy of http://www.wallpaper4me.com/wallpaper/Desolate-Umbrella/

By Category: adaptation, blog, Featured, intention, love, manifestation, Recent Posts, self motivation, trust, Uncategorized

Translucent Turnabouts

Oct 12, 2012

Translucent Turnabouts

If I decided to go on a tangent would you let me?  I might show you I am no different than anyone else even while I think myself invisible.  Yes some times I will be the red balloon in your black and white picture book and sometimes you might be able to follow me, but not always.

If I promised to let go would you jump with me?  I had run so far away from the past I wasn’t watching where it would take me. When the Archangels finally found me they guided me toward the vortex so no questions could go unanswered.  It seemed only fair since the W Chaser in me called out for the serenity of redemption.

If I sent up a flair would you come to my rescue? Would you remember who we were and forget how we got here? If I sent my energy out to find you would it? Would I still be your angel? How long gone and far away can you be? Can you hear the whispers coming out of me?

Restless roundabouts and it’s not always so cut and dry.  There are macabre wonderments and when we’re children we always hear you.  We ride the vibrational level of energetic intrigue and there’s no turning back. Giving in to how we feel in the ever changing moments of eternity is all we have left. Engaging in the preposterous notions that we used to be someone else.  Silent invitations and let me introduce your selves.

Nice to meet you and how do you do? Can you tell me how I got here? Do I know you?  If you asked me to follow you I don’t know that I would. I might enjoy your company for awhile so you can see the world through Oscar Wilde’s Memory.  Tom Waits can do the music and add some more lessons from the past.

Inspiration found in some modern day instagrams. See the world in technicolor.  Find your beloved. Change your vision. Say what you want to say and don’t make much sense.  Try to be sensible only if you have to be. Step out of the comfort zone and let your imagination say what it wants to say. Lifemate. Be genius and be authentic. We might all just be a form of rotoscoping or a photo app.  A shapeshifter of another time and place. We might change someone’s life. We are most certainly worth it all and all most certainly worth it.

 

 

 

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Photo courtesy of http://www.scenicreflections.com/download/484366/TRANSPARENT_BUTTERFLY_Wallpaper/

By Category: adaptation, blog, Featured, intention, love, manifestation, Recent Posts, self motivation, trust

Expressive Candor & Some Recognition

Sep 28, 2012

Expressive Candor & Some Recognition

Work finds me so often there’s not much time for much else. I’m having so much fun the time seems to fly by. I’m not scared that I haven’t been writing although I have wondered if I would ever have anything else to say.  Sometimes there just isn’t enough room for balance and everyone just needs to keep their shirts on.  Self censoring doesn’t lead to much and you wonder where the rain is.  Sometimes it doesn’t have to make sense and you just have to say what you want to say.  Dr. Seuss may have been on to something and the lessons were all we ever learned in kindergarten. Judgements make the heart weak and there’s no room for fear.  Renditions of a recognition and now a good news ambassador. Life’s expressive candor.

Thank you Good News Network and Adam and Jeneal for nominating me.  I am honored.

 

Five ‘Good News Heroes’ Win Sweet Treats for Their Inspiring Acts

By Good News Network Monday, September 10, 2012

 

Editors blog – General

SendFudge.com has partnered with the Good News Network to award free gourmet fudge to five people who are consistently doing nice things to make a difference in other people’s lives.

Kengi Carr - DoSomethingSaturday.orgAfter we sent out a request for nominations, we received stories lauding inspiring people across the country, but from among them we chose 5 winners to be honorary “Good News Ambassadors”.

The five good news heroes will be able to choose from among 40 tempting flavors from SendFudge.com including diabetic-friendly selections.

Here are the honorary Good News Ambassadors, who always “give a fudge” about others while helping to uplift society.

1) Kengi Carr – You know immediately upon meeting him that this man is someone special. “There is a sparkle in his eyes and he speaks generously with kindness… He has survived more than the average amount of suffering, yet continues to be grateful for each day.” Following his own bout with homelessness and a diagnosis of HIV, Kengi began serving the local homeless population and low income people living with HIV in Southern California through a project he started called Do Something Saturday. “And I happen to know he loves sweets!”(Nominated by Alexandra Kube, photo, above)

Pepper Carlson2) Pepper Carlson – Two people nominated Pepper. One of them wrote: “She has been an all-in-one support system to me.  These past two years have been emotionally extreme for me; being laid off, getting hired at an amazing place (with more pay) only to be laid off again… Her blog LifeWithOneEyeOpen.com has always given me confidence and inspiration to step outside my comfort zone, be thankful, and recognize all the love I have in my life.” (Nominated by Adam Acheson and Jeneal Hill)

LauraBeth Young-inpsirational-fudge-winner3) LauraBeth Young – LauraBeth Young – “She has had such a tough year, but continues to inspire others despite the difficulties she’s endured. Her inspirational Christian website:cheerfulhearts.com inspires many with her letters and poetry.” She has survived being a victim of domestic abuse and although currently living with chronic back pain from an accident that left her with severe spinal damage, she still finds the time to inspire and coach others. “She is always positive, cheerful and encouraging to whomever she meets.”(Nominated by Kevin Ryan)

Sandra Switzer coach-fudge-winner4) Sandra Switzer – “As a life coach, she provides constant encouragement and enthusiasm to all those she comes in contact with. She goes above and beyond to share her resources (viaSandraSwitzer.com) in regard to counseling, wellness and uplifting workshops. Sandra is a kind and compassionate individual who shows a genuine concern for mankind and is a positive influence to anyone she comes in contact with. (Nominated by Amy Jo Hall)

5) Megan Quitko – This riding instructor whose positive attitude “shines on both people and animals… always provides all the smiles and encouragement any rider could ask for – on good days and bad.” Additionally, she raises money for Komen Cure events and promotes many animal related interests to prevent cruelty and “actively seeks homes for needy animals.” (Nominated by Dawn Starr)
Raspberry fudge-SendFudgedotcom

Thanks to everyone who submitted nominations. The winners will be receiving notification in the next 24 hours with instructions for collecting their delectable prizes.

And, thanks to SendFudge.com for their desire to highlight good news heroes.

By Category: adaptation, blog, Featured, intention, love, manifestation, Recent Posts, self motivation, trust, Uncategorized

No Doubt

Sep 2, 2012

No Doubt

Faith is not without worry or care, but faith is fear that has said a prayer. 

                                                             ~Author Unknown

Not having known a mothers love can keep you from who you were supposed to be.  You can roam around lost and make the wrong decisions. You can can spend your days cursing your birth.  You can stay face down in the proverbial gutter because you think you have no worth.

But worth has no price tag. And where you come from does not govern the outcome. Influential meanderings can be obnoxious and you can’t let someone else’s confusion cast you out.  Everything really does happen for a reason and there’s no room for doubt.

Because doubt has no hold on you.  It’s not something inherently disguised.  It’s something we create from nothing and it’s all a bunch of lies.

Lies are based in fear and you can’t give in. Having been blessed with the wonderment of a child instilled in me an undeniable faith. I know I may be far from perfect but what is perfect anyway? If it’s all relative than the definition can change. I am perfect to someone and you are all perfect to me.

This automatically changes the course of my future. It severs the umbilical chord and I am free to believe in the impossible, welcome the unknown, know that I am natures greatest miracle.

Make the choice today to join me because having faith will change you too.

Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother. 

                                                                            ~Kahlil Gibran

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photo courtesy of  http://wallpaper.diq.ru/15__Leap_Of_Faith,_Adelie_Penguin.htm

By Category: abundance, achieve, adaptation, advise, affection, answers, attraction, awareness, be accountable, behavior, beliefs, blog, Featured, intention, love, manifestation, Recent Posts, self motivation, Uncategorized

Raising the Bar

Aug 24, 2012

Raising the Bar

Everyone has their take on expectations. If we don’t expect too much then we’ll never be let down.  But isn’t that complacency?  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to settle.  Shouldn’t we be prepared to get out and raise the bar in hopes that people join us?

If we expect for everything to be sensational then wouldn’t it be written?  The possibility of ancient scrolls containing our memories that haven’t happened yet and what is left to be forgotten?  High on a shelf with the keepers of our akashic records and our destiny cries out that thoughts become things and actions reap rewards. All we have to do is believe.

a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future

Our life expectancy is mostly unknown and life is long so we have to fill it. All we need to know is our what and the Universe will take care of the how. Irony at it’s finest and you just can’t give in to the notion that it’s going to be another one of those days.  You can change the course of a day with one split decision in any given moment.  Acceptance brings about fair play and if you expect the worst you will get the worst just as truthfully as if you expect the best you will get that instead.

used to indicate that one supposes something to be so, but has no firm evidence or knowledge

When you were younger and you knew what you wanted to be, it never occurred to you that you couldn’t be that Doctor, or FirePerson or Super Hero. You implicitly believed with all your heart that you were unstoppable but then one day life might have happened to you and it got the best of you but you can change back. You can decide right here, right now to be that undeniably unstoppable unconditionally believing in the impossible child that you once were.

regard (something) as likely to happen

If you embrace the wonderment of a child, magic happens. You can create your own reality and make your own opportunities and no won’t ever be an option. For every no you are closer to that yes. For every stumbling block you go higher up the mountain. Imagine the possibilities and don’t let go of your dreams.

You are never to old to make a change or too young to go out on a limb and it’s absolutely never to late to raise the bar.

You ready to do some lifting?

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photo courtesy of http://www.layoutsparks.com/pictures/enchanted-0

By Category: adaptation, blog, Featured, intention, love, manifestation, Recent Posts, self motivation, trust

Up Close and Personal

Aug 22, 2012

Up Close and Personal

In spite of my awkward sensibilities and everything I’ve ever known, I experienced a new found empowerment. With my flushed colored cheeks shielded by the phone line, I waited for the rings to stop and the voice to meet me on the other end.  Before I had a chance to stop myself, I could hear my own foreign words escape me, “You’re right, I do push people away and I don’t want to do it anymore”.

I’ve said it on paper many times. I’ve even said it to people as an explanation or excuse for who I was. But actually saying it aloud with the intention of not doing it? This is new territory.

And what a relief. With one sentence, I was released from everything I had ever known. Unencumbered by the pressure of the past, free to be humble, I let the vulnerability make me whole.  No more tests. No more setting people up for failure. I may be my mothers daughter but I don’t have to appropriate her quest for isolation.

No more pushing people away.

People are important and friendships are blessings. They may change shape or subtleties as we grow and become who we are going to be but the evolution of the exchanges aren’t to be toyed with or taken for granted. Connections aren’t easy to come by and when we come across the ones that are special, the ones that make us look at ourselves and want to be better people, those are the ones you fight for.

Life is a really big puzzle and the pieces will eventually fit perfectly if you keep at it.  Your puzzle won’t ever be complete if you don’t figure out where you fit in. Because you really are meant to fit in. Being a self inflicted outsider can make for some really good art. But we’re not all artists.  We’re just people trying to figure out our place in it all. And we can only do that if we’re all together.

Being alone may teach you some things. But being visible and being accepted is where the true course of time will unravel some of life’s greatest miracles. Some people were meant to join our journey. We should let them. We should let people be people and we should come fully loaded and present and thankful for the company.

We are who we are and while we should always strive to be better, we need to stay true to our innate nature. When you meet people who think you’re worth it, it’s because you are. You always were.

When you can be yourself and no one judges you or second guesses you, you’re home. And when you’re home it’s safe to say you’re sorry and mean it.

 

 

 

 

 

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photo courtesy of http://randolphcarter.deviantart.com/art/Zen-Wallpaper-21852399

By Category: adaptation, blog, Featured, intention, manifestation, Recent Posts, self motivation

Honey Pot

Aug 14, 2012

Honey Pot

Enticing smiles break the mold and the release of yet another pattern under wraps.  Walk the path.  Back on course.  What would life be if you weren’t constantly tested and captivated by the unknown?  If you leap the net will appear.  A charming sensibility and capturing the essence of who you are supposed to be. Seducing life by enjoying it’s splendors sends you up quite a few notches on your latter.

the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something

Your intrinsic values are non negotiable. Don’t let the conflict win.  Your peaceful nature wants to know balance and the attraction can be intoxicating. What a difference a day makes. What a ride. Always learning and taking the next step and not being afraid to be humbled. An attraction of epic porportions and it’s you in the mirror.

 a quality or feature of something or someone that evokes interest, liking, or desire

Adaptation and reinventing. Your moral fibers change with the years and what might have worked yesterday may need a monkey wrench today. Adjustments in your strategy and your proposal adds a guarantee to your very future.  Are you willing to sign your own contract?  Where will your ambitions take you?

a thing or place that draws visitors by providing something of interest or pleasure

You’ve been writing your own story all along. Your thoughts, your words and even your gestures are developing as you make each choice in every moment. The evolutionary flow of attraction can be as bitter as it is sweet. It can get the best of you and it can be the driving force of advancement.

Life will give you what you ask of it and like attracts like. Stay present and live and let live. You must be your own concoction and make it good.  Keep stirring your pot and spreading the love.  That sweet taste of honey.  Trust the process.  You never know what captivating surprises await you.

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photo courtesy of http://www.wallcoo.net/nature/Kyoto_scene/html/wallpaper17.html

By Category: abundance, achieve, adaptation, blog, discovery, dreams, encouragement, endurance, energy, enlightened, Featured, forgiveness, friends, friendship, happiness, happy, intention, Journey, know yourself, letting go, life changes, love, manifestation, Recent Posts, self motivation, trust

Really, Actually, Finally

Aug 13, 2012

Really, Actually, Finally

The consciousness of my innate nature spoke to me in a way that I hadn’t heard before.  I’ve been so busy trying to conform to the expectations of society that I forgot to listen to what my soul was trying to tell me.  I’ve always known I am different. I also know that when you spend your childhood without a hug it does something to you.

I’ve kind of rebelled against the patterns that can be caused by neglect. I tend to be very affectionate and overly verbally complimentary. I love to make people laugh and my intention is always to lift peoples spirits when I can. I am a giver and it makes me feel good to give back.  I’m lucky to be here and it’s a miracle that I am who I am.  Aren’t we all in some way, shape or form?

In my awareness I have a simple truth, when it comes to the possibility of a relationship I can be quite awkward. Being vulnerable makes me uncomfortable so I have embraced the power of being alone and I realize, it’s when I feel the most confident.  Sometimes in a room full of people is when I feel the most alone. It’s who I am and it’s time to stop trying to be something I am not. I am far from being Thoreau but I am just not that social anymore. I used to have 100 friends and went out every night. Now I have 5 friends that I see on the occasional outing and it’s usually during the day.  Times change and you have to join your life during the adaptations of existence.

I spent time with a friend on Saturday night that is very unhappy with his current state of affairs. It was hard to hear one of my oldest friends be in this much pain over certain decisions he has made. In the end I came home to sit on my patio, staring out into the night sky and accessed my own situation.

I am so lucky and fortunate to have a great career. I am 20 pages away from my first novel. I am on the brink of launching an amazing new company and I am in the best shape I have been in a very long time. That’s a lot to be grateful for!

But I’ve also been trying to hard. I have been pursuing a means to an end based on an idea that doesn’t always exist. Most of my friends are either in relationships or engaged or married.  So in my head, the pressure was on. Well, until now.

I met someone I really liked and in my excitement, I got pretty overbearing and wanted to control the situation. I found myself with walls down and no boundaries and wanted to hang out with this person all the time.  The feelings weren’t mutual but my ego wouldn’t heed the flags on the play. I kept knowingly setting myself up for rejection.  But here’s the interesting thing.  Along the short journey of exchanges I did exactly what I knew would push him away. My own version of How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days and it worked like clockwork. My relationship vibrational level is askew and I recognize it now.

I have finally become the woman I always knew I was supposed to be and in my strength I found a way to let go.

The more you feel good the more you want to feel good. And if you’re going to be strong you will want strong people around you. God is protecting you and the Universe is keeping you on your course.

My friend said the other night, “When we meet our perfect matches, we won’t push them away and anything that happens to us in between is simply the experience it’s supposed to be”.

Well, why does it have to be that deep? Why can’t people just be friends and hang out for free. Why do we have to put so much pressure on everything? Why can’t we be honest about it all?

Yeah, exactly.

I have had some amazing relationships in my life and I have known love.  And now I realize that I love myself the most and in this I really can’t settle. And actually, this is what makes me the happiest and that’s okay.

May we all find our happy and may we always stay true to ourselves. Don’t conform to society because it’s expected. Step out into your life of the unexpected and be miraculous. Finally.

 

 

 

 

 

. photo courtesy of http://www.1freewallpaper.com/landscape-wallpaper/

 

By Category: abundance, achieve, adaptation, advise, affection, blog, celebrating, change, confidence, courage, discovery, Featured, intention, love, manifestation, Recent Posts, self motivation, trust

Surrender

Aug 11, 2012

Surrender

                Letting go

                                is not falling

                                   It is freedom.

 

                           ~P

By Category: adaptation, blog, Featured, intention, love, manifestation, Recent Posts, self motivation, trust

Even If

Aug 10, 2012

Even If

Even when you’re happy you can have moments of sadness. Even when everything goes your way you can hope for something more. Even when you know to move on you remember. Even if it’s all okay it can still hurt. Even in your deepest moments of clarity you can still be confused. Even if you’re not sure, you should keep your chin up. Eventually this to shall pass.

Always in touch with my dark side and the wonderment of a child I sometimes give in to the romantic notions of how life can take your breath away. I get into a space of where Alice in Wonderland meets Oscar Wilde’s memories and the flow of consciousness hopefully sets me free.

Sometimes we fall but we get back up. Sometimes we want to hold on but the world moves to fast and we have to let go. Sometimes we realize we should have been a little more specific when we made our wish and sometimes the Universe just wants us to step out of our shell and experience life. And sometimes a little poetry babble helps you move on.  Even if.

I wish that I could tell you that I didn’t want your kiss.

I wish there was a way for me to make a different wish.

If only time could follow through when it set you in my sights.

If only I had turned away and back into the night.

There’s nothing I can do for now but enjoy the memory that it happen.

Some things weren’t meant to have a happily ever ending.

In a different time and a different place.

Maybe in my dreams I’ll get to see your face.

Clocks don’t go backwards so that part makes sense.

But why can’t time go backwards just this once.

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photo courtesy of http://www.flickriver.com/photos/23021987@N06/

By Category: adaptation, blog, Featured, intention, love, manifestation, Recent Posts, self motivation, trust

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